Multiple Facebook Personality Disorder, or MFPD, is a serious disease. I know this because I have it. No. I’m not one of those over-dramatic, passive-aggressive twits who posts things like, “WHY doesn’t he LOVE me???????” No. My disease is more complex than a mere lack of self-esteem and maturity. My multiple Facebook personas are not restricted to one profile. Honestly, up until recently, I had THREE Facebook profiles.
Yes, THREE Facebook profiles. I know what you’re thinking. “What kind of person who is not trying to catch predators needs THREE Facebook profiles?” This one. [raises hand] Let me explain.
Like most mortals, I started out with just one Facebook profile, a personal account. I just used it to keep in touch with family and friends. I posted pictures from the wedding, numerous shots of my son, and little sarcastic snippets here and there. Little by little, other people friend requested me, including some work people. This was OK for a while, but then, I became the chair of my department at work. I was, for lack of a better term, “the boss.”
I work from home for an online university. I love my job for many reasons, not just because I wear terry cloth yoga pants to work. I love helping students. I love my quirky co-workers, and I love that I can work with my bad leg (in a boot cast – see my previous post) up on the couch. So, because I enjoy being employed by said wonderful university, I decided, that since I was in a position of authoriTAY, I should create a professional Facebook profile. So, a few years ago, my uber boring alter-ego was created.
Work Lisa WAS boring. For four long years, she posted bland status updates like “I love summer because it’s warm.” YAWN. Work Lisa posted maybe about four pictures, all perfectly normal, boring, and alcohol-free. I really don’t know how the girl managed to have 200 friends. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be friends with her. Plus, I decided to step down from being “the boss” a couple of years ago. So, I got rid of Work Lisa.
A couple of weeks ago, I decided that it was pointless to have THREE Facebook profiles. During the election and when I was a supervisor, Work Lisa had her purpose. She didn’t post sarcastic memes about a certain robotic candidate who changed his mind every four seconds and did not take the time to oh say learn anything about world geography, but I digress. I’m trying to say that Work Lisa stayed neutral on all inflammatory topics. As you can guess, Personal Lisa did not, but she has calmed down quite a bit now that there is not an election going on. Also, I have finally mastered the whole creating Facebook groups thing. So, I decided that Work Lisa must die, and she did. So far, about ten work people have friend-requested me on the Personal Lisa page. I’m good with that. Some of them friend-requested me on Writer Lisa page.
Writer Lisa is my newest profile. I created her last summer when I published my first novel; a YA book entitled Misfit Academy. Writer Lisa is also kind of boring, but not as bad as Work Lisa was. Writer Lisa posts things like, “Please buy my book and read my blog,” which is boring. However, she also says things like, “I know the world is ending because Def Leppard released an acoustic album.” Who the HECK wants to hear ACOUSTIC Def Leppard songs? I mean, I know most of their fans are in their forties, but still! OK. Digressing again. I’m sorry about that. My point is that Writer Lisa serves a purpose, and is not as boring as Work Lisa.
OK. Do you understand why this is a disease now? Holy heck. I hope there is a medication or a meeting for this soon. At the very least, there should be a Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz episode