Crate Training for Cat People

No, dog people; don’t get excited.  I’m not suggesting that you actually put cat people in crates and try to train them.  As we all know, cat people are not trainable. That is why they admire cats.  Cat people and cats are not trainable because they DON’T need to be trained.  They simply do what they are supposed to do without fanfare or hot dog chunks.

Cat people, you know how hard it is to train a new kitten to use the litter box, right?  Of course not, because it’s the easiest thing you will ever do.  You simply put the kitten in the box, grab it’s little paw and dig in the litter with the paw.  After that, the kitten will always use the litter box unless one of three things happens:

  1. The kitten is a male and you bring another male cat in to the house.  Then, the cats will begin the ancient art of spraying (Note: the Ancient Art of Spraying was a great punk band in the 80’s), also known as an all out urine war.
  2. You are lazy and you do not scoop the litter box at least once, if not twice a day.  Cats do not like to walk through their own waste.  Can you blame them?
  3. The cat is angry with you.  Then, you may find a “present” on your bed.  Don’t be mad at the cat. You should not have made him or her angry.

Dogs are very different from cats.  This is obviously the most profound statement I have ever made.  Seriously, they require more attention, more cleaning, and definitely more direction.  For some reason, Americans like needy creatures because dogs are still the most popular pets in the United States.  While more cats are actually owned, more households have dogs.  I’m guessing this is due to crazy cat ladies and hoarders.  Basically, you can cram more cats in each house.

I’m a cat person who happens to have two dogs.  One of them is an adorable Black Lab/Great Dane puppy named Sophie.  Sophie is sweet, playful, and not fully potty- trained.  Sigh.  Yes, we are doing crate training, and yes she has only been living with us for a few days.  Still, I am a little annoyed.  I’m just not used to all of the training.  Cats just don’t do some of the idiotic things that dogs do.  Here are a few examples:

  1. I have never witnessed a cat eat his or her own excrement, or any excrement.  I wish I could say the same for dogs.  Both of mine are connoisseurs of what should be in the sewer.
  2. Dogs bark at, well, nothing.  Not only do cats not bark, they don’t find it necessary to point out things like the wind blowing or a car driving down the street.
  3. Dogs run to the door and bark like mad when someone rings the doorbell. Cats, being way more intelligent, run AWAY from the door, so they are not bothered by company.
  4. Dogs try to eat everything.  Cats eat cat food and select human foods like tuna and cheese.

Sleeping SophieI’m sure Sophie will be a lovely member of the family once she is fully trained.  Until then, I will take my lead from my three lovely cats and hide upstairs as much as possible.  Sophie is not able to jump over the three gates we have in the house now.  I give her another month.  After all, she is a Great Dane.

One thought on “Crate Training for Cat People

  1. I snort-laughed at the reference to angry ‘presents’. My sun conure, Rizo, exacts revenge for offenses to parrots. I have no idea what a parrot offense is as Rizo makes up a new list daily. One I do know is the ‘flock’ person who cooks must always provide mashed potatoes, preferably with gravy.

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