Wide-Eyed Elementary School Parents

Disclaimer: I love my soIMG_0549n more than I love Reese’s peanut butter cups, vanilla ice cream, elastic-waist pants, and cats.  I do not think he will kill Harry Potter, or any other living or fictional person.  I admire his individuality and intelligence, and would take him over any honor student/soccer player/ cookie-cutter kid. 

All of my blogs are meant to be funny.  If you do not have a sense of humor, please find a nice, serious blog to follow. Perhaps one on politics, religion or nuclear medicine would be more your cup of tea.

We all know the wide-eyed elementary school parents.  No, they are not a folk band.  They are those very optimistic parents of young children.   In fact, you may even be one of them.  If you are, I have news for you.  Brace yourself.  Before you know it, that perfect elementary kid you parent, your sweet little Snookums, will turn into something so dark that you will swear he or she was put on earth to find and kill Harry Potter.  It will be shocking and sad when it happens, but, fear not soccer mom. It is normal.  Every parent enters into the TEEN ZONE. [Cue Twilight Zone Music]

Here is how you know that you are entering in to teen zone:

  • There will be mysterious door slamming, for no apparent reason.  Your sweet baby will be so angry that you swear he or she will hit you. When I sensed this in my son, I told him he better make it good because he wouldn’t live if he hit me.  Since he is pretty sure that I truly do possess a magical cauldron and a flying broom, he has abstained from physical barbs and instead resorted to passive aggressive mumbling.  Works for me.
  • “I KNOW, Mom!” becomes a standard reply.  Your teen truly thinks that he or she knows everything.  Sit back and chuckle.  THEY are in for a long, rude awakening.
  • Your teen will have boyfriends or girlfriends that seem to come from the depths of hell. It has taken whatever acting skills I learned from Mr. Davis in Freshman drama to be civil to my son’s last four girlfriends.  His first girlfriend set the bar pretty high.  [Waves at Sara.  : )]
  • His or her friends, in general, are frightening.  At this point, you start to wonder if you are being punked.  You aren’t.  Ashton wouldn’t do THIS to you.  Your child is trying to kill you with a random string of drugged/drunk “best friends.” This too shall pass.
  • Suddenly, your up at the crack of dawn angel sleeps like the dead.  You prayed to be able to sleep in on a Saturday, at least until 8:00 AM, and now you find yourself knocking on your child’s door at noon, just to be sure he or she is not dead.  This is normal.  Relax, and go back to bed, if your peri-menopausal hormones allow it.

You will survive this, parents.  Your sweet child will be back, in young adult form, on the other side of this dark hole.  In the mean time, find a hobby, or a wine of the month club, and DVR some good shows.  It will be a long, bumpy ride.

15 thoughts on “Wide-Eyed Elementary School Parents

  1. Excellent post, Lisa, but this will never happen to me. lol! Just kidding 😉 I was a complete brooder through all teen years. Can I come to you for empathy in 8-10 years?

  2. Oh wow… this is SO familiar!!!!! I sat my son down just before he was 13 and quietly but in a nurturing manner, informed him he would soon lose his mind. The blood rushed out of his face and in that terror filled voice pleaded for me to somehow help him escape this fate. I assured him that I too went through this stage… were my parents still here they would be jumping up and down and pointing at me yelling YES, YES, She was like some Norse valkyrie … but then… the brain returns… slowly at first, but i9n its full capacity near the end of your teens or early twenties. He seemed concerned but somewhat less afraid. Well, the rest is history… he lost his mind on cue… I would periodically remind him he had no mind and needed to heed me. For the most part he did… what he did in the dark hours of the night, I’m sure I’ll never know and that’s probably just as well. Once again Lisa… you NAILED IT!!!

  3. With the teenage years approaching quickly – I think I will print this and put it in a safe place… that way when the insanity hits I have a reminder that they return to normal.

  4. My son is on the other side… He is twenty now and arrived at a better place about 2 years ago:-). It really does happen. It’s like magic! Thank goodness….because the eye-rolling crap was driving me mad! I am siding with my own mom on this one. I think your eyes *can* stick that way. Science, be damned!

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