Yuppie Pet Parents

Disclaimer: Parenting a pet is NOT EXACTLY like parenting a child. Pets are not created by your own messed up genetics and a bottle or two of Chardonnay.  You cannot crate train a human child without interference from those pesky Child and Family Services people.  Please do not ever go up to parents of actual human beings and tell them that you are a parent too because you have pets. You will likely get smacked or neutered.

Our veterinarian should give my husband and I gift cards for massages or something.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure we paid the mortgage on the animal hospital this past month.   All FIVE of our pets have been to the doctor for one thing or another within the past few weeks.  Yes, we have FIVE pets – three cats and two dogs.  Plus, we have a human teenager.  Fortunately, he does not go to the vet.  No, we are not crazy; we are suckers.  Here is an introduction to all FIVE furry family members, and their issues:


Sophie is a newly adopted Black Lab/ GREAT DANE puppy.  She is five months old and already weighs 46 pounds.  She is a big pile of love, excrement,  and issues who will receive her very own blog entry later this week.  Since living with us, Sophie has had worms (probably from being in the pound) and a UTI, in addition to the usual puppy behavioral quirks.  The worms episode caused daddy (notice that does not say mommy) to have to clean the most vile smelling, um, excrement, off of a certain large puppy, her crate, the carpet, and the wall, at 3:30 AM.  This was followed by a urinary tract infection that caused her to have “accidents” all over the carpeting on the first floor.  If I were in deed crazy, I would believe that Ashton Kutcher had cameras in my house to capture all of this.   That is a Punk’d reference, not a Two and a Half Men joke.  On a positive note, I have finally convinced my husband to get rid of


the carpet and have tile put in.

Lola is our nine year-old Maltese who is a great “big” sister to Sophie.  She teaches her who is boss, while playing with her.  They are inseparable.  So, of course, Lola caught the worms from Sophie.  Lucky for us, Lola is  potty pad trained, and we always have one in the laundry room for her, which is where we keep the litter boxes.  So, she did not cause us, by us I mean my husband, to have to use the carpet cleaner.  It was, however, the only time I have used rubber gloves to replace a potty pad.

Boo Boo
Boo Boo

Picabo (AKA Boo Boo), my gray tiger,  has not had health issues, but she did have to go in for her annual visit.  I’m convinced that Boo Boo is claustrophobic because she fights like a sumo wrestler when we put her in the carrier.  I’m kind of glad that her previous owners (there’s an entire blog for those people coming some time soon) thought it necessary to declaw ALL FOUR PAWS.  I’m pretty sure I would have scars other wise.  Anyway, once in the cage, Boo Boo is usually OK.  Usually.  This time, she chose to urinate all over herself in the waiting room at the animal hospital.  The vet tech was kind enough to give her a bath and clean her carrier.  We owe her a gift card of some sort for that.

Andre, my beautiful gray lion, was super freaked out by Sophie’s arrival.  He showed her his Halloween kitty pose several times, and he did his version of Sugar Ray Leonard on her the minute she arrived.  I wish I could have caught that on video.  The cat can box.  Maybe I should start a cat-fighting ring.  Anyway, so, about a week after Sophie arrived, we


had to travel for a wedding.  So, the dogs were boarded at the animal hospital, and my wonderful cat sitter took care of the kitties.  I very stupidly told her to not worry about giving Andre his wet food and glucosamine supplement (taken to prevent urinary crystals) as we would only be gone a couple of days and it would just be another thing to remember.  Plus, he tends to not eat his wet food when we travel.  He and the other cats eat a special urinary formula dry food.  So, I thought all would be well.  I was wrong.  Andre developed urinary crystals and a UTI, likely caused by a combination of stress and that pesky two-day diet change.   He was in the hospital for three days.  Since he is a professional boxer, this hospital visit involved anesthesia for anything catheter and IV related.  As I may have mentioned, the cat can fight.


Last, but not least, is my loveable Morris, who is named after his look-alike, Morris, the Nine Lives cat.  Morris, who is eating if he’s not sleeping, started vomiting a lot while I was out of town.  So, my husband took him to the animal hospital.  Pancreatitis.  For real.  He was in the hospital for two days, with IV’s and shots and special food.  The good news is that he was MUCH better when he came home.  For about a week.  Then, on Saturday morning, which was our first day of puppy kindergarten (also at the animal hospital) with Sophie, I noticed Morris scoot across the entire laundry room on his behind.  Since the dogs had just battled worms, we wanted to be sure Morris didn’t have them.  So, to the hospital he went, where he received what I’m told was a much-needed enema, an anal gland expression, and some lab work.  I’m still apologizing to him. We are awaiting test results on Morris as this just happened this weekend.

So, this month has been a handbag of horrors. I am looking forward to boring, vet-free days ahead.  I’m keeping all of my fingers and toes crossed that we don’t have to see our vet and her lovely staff for anything other than puppy kindergarten or special cat food ordering for months and months.   I think we all need a break.

7 thoughts on “Yuppie Pet Parents

  1. Oh what do do with the dogs? That’s a very common thought around my house. We simply don’t go many places because we don’t want to leave Papo behind. And, yes, he is the sweetest dog in the world, but as a younger pup was ………. well, suicidal. There were 3 times he’s had to be rushed to the animal hospital, at about $1,300 a pop. All because he used chew on everything. My God, there are so many things that could be fatal substances for dogs. He did take the spotlight when the vet took a picture of Papo surrounded unknown poisonous household stuff and posted right on the waiting room. Yes, he is a little celebrity!

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