I don’t hate you. I just hate talking to you.

My son buys me the BEST jammies.
My son buys me the BEST jammies.

Introverted people have their own communication style, and it is usually quiet and asynchronous.  Extroverts always think it’s about them when introverts don’t enjoy their endless prattle.  I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had like this:

Me:  Well, I’ve got to go finish work.

In this scenario, “I’ve got to go finish work” is substituted for, “Wow, you never stop talking, do you?”

Extrovert:  Why? Don’t you like talking to me?

Me:  I really don’t like talking much. I need a lot of quiet time.

Extrovert:  Are you mad at me?

Me:  No. It’s not really about you. I just want to be able to concentrate on my thoughts and maybe finish that second novel before I die.

Extrovert:  You’re so cold and mean.

Me: OK. Well, I’ve got to go.

Introverted brothers and sisters, do you see how a simple need for some quiet time turned into teen girl drama about feelings?  What the heck?  Ain’t nobody got time for drama.

Here’s another common scenario:

The phone rings.  After I jump out of my seat from the shock of the noise of the phone ringing (Read that with a Christopher Walken voice; it’s better), I look to see which phone is ringing.  Really, I don ‘t have to do this as my personal cell has the Meow Mix theme as a ring tone.  This shocks you, yes?

If it’s my work phone, I answer it and hope it is yet another wrong number, as I have a lot of trouble hearing on the phone.  I do need hearing aids, but I am fighting that. If it’s my iPhone, it is usually right next to me.  So, I pick it up and look at the caller ID.  If it’s my home phone, I must move at least two cats and a MacBook Pro from my lap, kick off the blanket because my house is always overly air-conditioned, and jog to the phone.

Then, I look at the caller ID.

Is it my son?  No.

Is it my husband? No.

Is it my mom?  No.

Is it my boss?  No.

I don’t pick up the phone, usually, unless it is one of those people.  Then, I either put the phone down, or walk away from it if it’s the home phone.  If it’s someone I REALLY don’t want to talk to, I may say, “hell no” before I walk away.   The funny thing is that I tell everyone that I hate the phone, and they somehow think it doesn’t apply to them.  They think they are immune from my phone hatred.

Let me make this clear; if I did not give birth to you, or marry you, or send you a Mother’s Day card, or report to you in the system, I’m not picking up the phone.  I’m 42 years old. I mean, I’m 28 years old, and I really don’t have to do a bunch of stuff I don’t want to do anymore.  So, just send me an email or a text, and we can communicate.  Give up on the phone thing.  I’m not answering it.

31 thoughts on “I don’t hate you. I just hate talking to you.

  1. The only thing the phone is good for is to order pizza but I hear you can do that on that internet-y thing now so maybe I don’t need one. I don’t answer the phone at home much either because I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE. No one gets it, except you. So good to know I’m not alone. I don’t have any kind of mobile device for the same reason: I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE. I know it does other stuff as well but sure as shit someone would call me on it, so best not to own one. It has taken 20+ years of marriage to teach Pavlov, I mean hubby, to not jump up and grab the phone when it rings. BTW, I get stuck with switchboard duty at work a lot. Yes, there is such a thing as a stupid question.

  2. Well said, I am so proud of you for speaking your mind. You are my awesome 28 year old Daughter. Yes, I will lie for you !!!!

  3. Greetings! I couldn’t agree more with this post. An introvert myself, extro’s have a difficult time understanding “quiet time”.. They feel “lonely” and I’m thinking if anyone could make use of some quiet time, it’s them! It’s too much stimulation.

    The social obligation of the phone isn’t working either I text or email, that’s about it. However, if there is one thing I hate more than phone calls, it’s VOICE MAIL! Don’t leave them and hate receiving them more than anything else. Great post and have a great weekend!

  4. Exactly, Over-Zealous! A lot of my extrovert friends have to have every minute of the day planned. How do they do that, and why? I want to do some research on if there are any extroverted inventors or writers. I doubt it.

    1. Too funny, I’m a big time management freak but my introversion helps keep my thoughts organized and my rambunctious mind from spiraling out of control! I am sure there are extroverted inventors/writers however, I think we’ve grown to associate creativity of all sorts with introversion. Either way, I’m happy on this team 🙂

      1. I haven’t peeked into that particular theory however, as left handed individual I have been exposed to the theory that left-handed individuals are more creative than right-handers albeit more rare. So I think between both theories, I’ll be smiling extra wide today. 🙂

      2. I wish I could “like” your comment. I’m a righty, but my husband and son are lefties. My son is definitely creative. He is also introverted, but not as bad as me. 🙂

  5. That’s pretty awesome, I’m the only leftie in my family and I get poked fun of on the regular. It’s ok, there are perks of being a leftie. 🙂 Yes you seem to have a pretty hard case of introversion, I’m pretty introverted but I can assimilate when necessary; usually if it involves food and fun adult drinks!

    1. Oh, I can appear normal. No worries. I just don’t get out much because I work from home. Also, like a true introvert, I LOSE energy from being around people. So, there’s that. When I do get out or have people over, I always make everyone laugh. I do talk to people, and I don’t have cat fur on all of my clothes. OK. I’m lying about the cat fur.

  6. I’m an extrovert, but I feel the same way about the phone! My husband will call me from work when he’s bored and expect me to entertain him… I think he enjoys torturing me.

    P.S. Bonus points for your use of Christopher Walken and Meow Mix references.

  7. My husband had this very argument last night. He called on the way home from work. let me knew he was on the easy, asked what was for dinner (which I was in the middle of fixing) and wanted to chat about everything we’ll talk about when he gets home. I told him I’d see him when he got home, and he got all “fine, don’t talk to me then.” He doesn’t get it. He’s an extrovert.

    1. Yep. They don’t get it. There is no conversation worse than REDUNDANT communication. I will stop any non old person and tell them, “You told me this already.” Let’s just talk about things once. : ) AMIRIGHT?

  8. I’m an extrovert married to an introvert. My son’s and intro and daughter’s an extro. I have stood shocked that my husband can be sitting right next to a ringing phone and not even budge to answer it. He hates talking on the phone. HATES it. He can’t even stand to hear me on the phone sometimes. It’s taken me a long time to figure out that it’s not that he’s mad. He just doesn’t want to talk.

    1. Exactly! Introverts love their family, well most of their family, and close friends, but hate chit chat.
      I even hated the phone when I was a teen in the 80’s. I would have loved the internet.

  9. This is so my experience too. Extroverts of the world just misunderstand my need not to talk on the phone. It’s really annoying when they pressure you into talking. I have been getting sarcastic comments from a family member about ‘not keeping in touch’ and it’s reached the point where I want to cut off contact with her. Why should I be there to satisfy her entertainment needs and why should they feel entitled to my time and energy – if she no respect for my introvert needs, then I feel the need to disengage and walk away.

    1. Yes. Exactly. Why can’t they go read a book or watch TV? I’m always being asked if I am angry, or if I don’t like someone. Really, people, I just hate talking on the phone.
      Thanks for reading!

  10. This post? Fabulous. I’m so tired of people thinking I’m either a snob or that I don’t want to be around them. Neither is true. I like keeping it small and keeping it real. I’d rather talk, really talk, for hours to one person than chat about nothing with 20 people who don’t really care about your or your interests. I married a man who didn’t appreciate me or respect my need for quiet time to recharge my batteries. So much so that he cheated on me because he felt “alone.” So now, along with never questioning my reasons for wanting some quiet time, I now have firm boundaries on who I let in to my world. Life’s too short to live without self respect.

    1. Thank! It’s good to know I’m not alone. Well, at least not mentally. Like you, I like my physical alone time. My first husband thought I was grouchy and weird. My current husband accepts me just the way I am. I work from home, and I love it. I couldn’t imagine being around people ALL DAY LONG ever again.
      I have firm boundaries, too. If I meet a new friend, and he or she becomes too needy, I step away. I hate needy. 🙂

  11. I’m an introvert, but I still answer the telephone when it rings. I feel obliged to. On the other hand, I’m an introvert, so my phone hardly ever rings. Even when it does, it’s usually only some perfectly pleasant stranger telling me they were trying to reach somebody else. I find if I summon up all my inner strength, I’m quite capable of saying pleasantly, “I’m sorry, you appear to have a wrong number” and then going back to my book.

    1. I WILL answer a phone call from an unfamiliar number if my husband or son is not home. As someone with anxiety disorder, I tell myself, “what if he was in a horrible accident and the cops are calling to tell me about it?” It’s usually a telemarketer. 🙂

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