Most introverts would rather have a daily colonoscopy than use their gym memberships. Yes, a lot of us actually have gym memberships. We usually go to the gym once or twice, realize that it involves wiping other people’s sweat off of machines, listening to really bad music, and possibly making small talk, and then we never set foot in the place again. I’ve had at least five such memberships.
If you have read my blog before, you know that I have my own fake personal trainer, Gilad. Gilad and I have about three sessions a week. We are usually joined by four or five other people, so it’s not crowded and loud like a Zumba class, and we meet on a beach in Hawaii. Gilad could do a little better in the background music department, but the scenery is nice. When I don’t feel like listening to steel drums or muzak, I get on the elliptical in my basement, not at the gym. Exercising alone is great for a number of reasons.
- You can take the time to focus on such meaningful lyrics like, “if she could show him the letter her heart forgot to send” or “the brightest ring around the moon and talk of when I die.” You can even repeat them out loud without anyone calling the padded cell police on you. You just can’t focus on lyrics in a Zumba class since they are not in English or not audible due to the driving bass beat.
- You can sing on the elliptical or treadmill. I sing so loud that my dogs become concerned about me. I’m waiting for the neighbors to call 911 and a swat team to come busting in to the basement to stop the beating that is occurring. I should probably take a moment to apologize to Guns and Roses, Aerosmith, Ozzy, Journey, Tom Petty (who is not really my cousin, but I wish), and Van Halen (Van Hagar version only. I’m SO not a David Lee Roth kind of girl.)
- You can grunt when you do push ups. Seeing as how I’m not a teenaged boy, pushups are difficult. I still do them every day, with a lot of grunts.
- You can curse when you do crunches. And who wouldn’t. Working with Gilad has gotten me somewhat used to crunches, but they are still difficult.
- You can make fun of your personal trainer’s accent because he’s on TV and can’t hear you. Sorry, Gilad.
- You can let your dog out during the aerobics portion of your routine. While Gilad is counting down the jumping jacks in the cool Israeli accent, I am usually jump jacking over to the back door to let my 60 pound Dane/Lab puppy out.
- When you exercise at home, you are truly your own DJ. You don’t have to listen to bad club music any more. Is there GOOD club music? Yes, extroverts, I have used my iPhone at the gym with ear buds, and I can still hear the darn electro-garbage in the background. Plus, there’s still that whole wiping down the machines thing. Gross.
The only way I have ever been successful at maintaining a regular exercise routine is when I exercise at home. I’ve tried doing some outside things like walking the dog, but there’s usually some one who wants to talk. Then, I have to pretend not to speak English, but I’m never able to think of a really odd language that no one else could possibly speak. I’m open to suggestions.