It all started in third grade PE. This is when the other kids realized that they should not pick me for their kickball teams. When kids got stuck with me they usually smacked their lips and stomped their feet in disgust. The truth was, and is, I don’t give a rat’s behind about sports or winning. The kids in third grade found out when I ducked from a flying, red playground ball instead of catching it and getting whoever that kid was “out.” Even then, I would have rather stayed in the classroom and read than gone out in the South Florida sun to “play.” I always felt like Private Benjamin in PE.
Let’s face it. I’m a little weird. Aside from being a sedentary introvert, I’m also not a Christian. I’m more of a Buddhist thinker, which is where the lack of enthusiasm for competition comes from.
I didn’t know this, the Buddhism part, until I took this quiz. So, anyway, as the sole sorta Buddhist hermit wherever I go, people often look at me funny, stop talking to me, or, if they are in the car behind me, honk.
Late last fall, I did something I rarely do, I went to Kroger on a Saturday. It was packed, so I assumed that people were stocking up for an early snowstorm that was headed our way. Having grown up and spent most of my life in the hurricane belt, I could relate to stocking up for a storm. As I was standing in the deli line, waiting to buy some white American cheese for my cat (that’s another blog entirely) and some low-salt deli meat for my husband, I got bored and decided to do something I also rarely do. I talked to a person I did not know.
I looked at the woman next to me and said, “I guess everyone is stocking up before it starts snowing.” She said, “Probably for the Bucks’ game.” To which I replied, “What?” I didn’t hear her at first. When she said Bucks I thought she was talking about hunting, another thing I don’t care about. Then, I caught on, “Oh, does Ohio State play today? I’m not a fan of sports at all.” The lady turned her head and stopped talking to me. Yep. Not one more word. No, her number at the deli was not called. It was like horns grew out of my head when I said I did not care about sports.
I work from home, so my schedule is somewhat flexible. Because of this, I’m usually not in a mad, crazy, homicidal rush when I leave the comfort zone to run an errand or pick up lunch. Therefore, I REFUSE to be an aggressive turner. If I am attempting to turn left, and I do not have a green arrow, I wait until it is actually safe to turn to move. I don’t inch up into the intersection so that I can get to my destination 48 seconds quicker. It’s just not that important to me. It’s not a race. Even if it were, we all know I would not care about winning. Even when some super aggressive driver honks at me, and this happens often, I will still not sit in the middle of the street so I can scoot quickly in front of a semi. What does the honker think I am going to do, smile and say, “Oh, are you in a rush? Please allow me to risk my life to get out of your way.”
That’s why I get honked at a lot. And this is why I should just stay home.