Poop, Sticks, and Dirt

Disclaimer:  Anyone who is squeamish or hungry should not read this.  If you are dieting and thinking about eating something you shouldn’t, you should definitely read this.  I can assure you that you will lose your appetite.  You have been warned.

In my imaginary world, I am a fierce animal lover who wants to save them all.  In reality, I am a cat lover.  And when you are an introverted, work-from-home, cat person, lots of things are difficult. Things like barking, accidents, and crate training are painful for someone who is used to a quiet, clean, work environment.

Andre thinks Sophie is gross.
Andre thinks Sophie is gross.

Sophie, our 70-pound Great Dane/Black Lab PUPPY, is not a bad dog, not at all.  She is a sweet, passive girl.  I know this because I have yanked her big jaws open a number of times to remove, mulch, grass, rocks, sticks, and a bottle of hand sanitizer.  She does not growl at me or try to bite.  Sophie simply allows me to remove treasured items from her mouth.  There’s one type of treasured item I will NEVER remove from her mouth, though, and that is her poop.

Sophie LOVES to eat poop, usually her own since she cannot access the litter boxes or our Maltese’s potty pad, which are behind a gate in the laundry room. I’m sure she would love the crunchy texture that litter adds to her favorite nasty delicacy.    Yes, well-meaning, advice-giving people who do not know that others also have the Internet, I’ve tried it all.  Here’s a short list of ways I have tried to defer Sophie from eating poop:

  •  Sophie eats pumpkin with every meal.  She still eats poop.
  • We have sprinkled meat tenderizer on her food.  She still ate poop.
  • We bought Dis-Taste from Doctors Foster and Smith.  Sophie’s poop still tasted fine to her.
  • We used prescription strength pills for coprophagia.  Did you know there was such a medical term for poop eating? Anyway, they didn’t work.
  • As a last ditch effort, I walked around my back yard and sprinkled hot sauce on any piles that I could find.  I even put a bowl of water outside because I KNEW that poor Sophie would need it when she got a bit of Tabasco in her mouth.  Nope.  She not only ran around licking the sauce off of her poop, she rolled in it.  I took that personally.
  • Our teen son scoops the yard twice a week.  I refuse to follow her around and scoop as soon as she goes, and I’m not asking anyone else to do that either.
  • I’m recovering from an ankle injury, so I’m not going to walk this moose every time she has to go either.  She is BIG, and I am small.

According to this dog trainer, some dogs just eat poop, no matter what.  I’m going to venture to guess that Sophie is one of those dogs.  I’m waving a white flag, Sophie. I will keep yelling at you when I see you snacking in the yard, and you can keep ignoring me.  Until you stop this GROSS little habit, I will not be accepting any kisses.

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