It may be time to put me in a home. It is good that I prepared my son for this. He has been instructed that it needs to be a nursing home with cats. I cannot live without cats. Even if I don’t know my family, my own name, or that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the only milk chocolate candy remotely worth the calories (dark chocolate is SO much better), I will still know that cats are cozy little fluff balls of love. I’m only 42, um 28, but clearly my concentration skills are going. If I were a school-aged child, I would be on some medication with a high street value.
Friends, readers, scoffers, I am pretty sure that I have chronic Internet Induced ADHD. I’m also pretty sure that I just made that up. I wasn’t like this before I left the brick and mortar classroom and started working online, ten years ago. In fact, I was still super focused and organized when I first began working via the interwebs. It all started to go downhill when social media became popular. Then, I could get my work done and find out which of my high school friends had a good day, a baby, or the flu at the same time. I could find out who was at the gym and who went to a bar. Sometimes, people did both. This is stuff I NEEDED to know.
Then, I figured out how to have multiple tabs open in my browser. I’m not sure when this became possible. I remember a simpler time, when Punky Brewster was still on the air and kids ate Care Bear cereal, when you could only view one web page at a time. How deprived were we? Now, I can have my work email, work calendar, personal email, blog email, blog, Twitter, Facebook, and the Today Show tabs open at the SAME TIME. So, if I’m waiting for a page to load, or just taking a water cooler break, I can bounce through all of those tabs like Tigger.
This can get dangerous. The other afternoon at about two, my natural “I would so take a nap if I didn’t have a full-time job” time of day, I decided some strong, black tea was in order. So, I filled the kettle and put it on the burner. I waited for the water to boil for about a minute and got bored. Since my computer was on the coffee table in the living room, right next to the kitchen, I went to check email. I figured it would only take a minute.
Well, while I was squatting next to the table, with one hand petting Sophie the Dane/Lab to keep her from laying her big head on the keyboard and the other moving the cursor down my email list, Facebook dinged at me. Judging by the 2 on the Facebook tab, I knew I had 2 notifications. Look at me doing math! So, I clicked on the Facebook tab, and I’m glad I did. I learned that D is still a die-hard Republican and N likes a Most Interesting Man in the World meme. I clicked on the meme so I could see the entire thing because you can never see the punch line in your news feed. Then, out of nowhere, a screeching sound came from the kitchen.
I jumped up from my spot near the table and said, “The hell?” I said this out loud, to Sophie, Lola, and the cats. I talk to animals. I really do need to be put in a home. Plus, I had NO CLUE what that sound was. Then, it hit me. I was making tea! Crap! I totally forgot about that. And that is why kettles whistle.