My Writing Assistants: Boy Siri and that VW Biotch

VW Jetta GLI
She tells me when it’s too cold out, but she won’t text me.

Someone in a blogging group posted a question about writing schedules.  I don’t have a regular writing schedule mostly because I’m not Stephen King.  I don’t have a naptime and a ten-figure income.  I have a husband, a son, a full-time job, and five pets.  I don’t get to keep a regular writing schedule and sleep.  So, I write when I can since I’ve grown fond of sleeping ever since my son became an independent teen.  Don’t be jealous elementary school parents.

They need to invent a note pad you can use in the shower because I get my best blog ideas when I’m showering, or cooking, or doing anything not writing friendly.  When I get an idea in the shower, instead of trying to write it on the shower door with a soapy finger (Boy, does that NOT work), I rinse quickly and get out so I can grab my phone with out electrocuting myself.  I try to avoid that since I already have frazzled, middle-aged lady hair.

I’m an Apple junkie, so I use Siri to “draft” a blog in my email program. Then, I copy and paste the blog from email to a Word doc.  This is when the fun begins since I have to figure out what the heck I was saying because Siri always messes up a word or fifteen.  If he (I chose the male voice) were a real assistant, he would be out there in the snow looking for another job.  My cat could probably take better notes.

When I wrote this recent blog about the bloggers that I read daily, Siri recorded “broadcasters” instead of “Bloggess.”  I was sitting there, trying to type the blog going, “Broadcasters? Why the hell would I be talking about the TV and Radio people?  Was the bathroom too steamy post shower?  Did I maybe fall and hit my head?  I finally figured it out, but it took a few minutes.  I don’t have that kind of time.

I also get a lot of ideas while I’m driving, but I usually don’t have time to pull over and jot them down.  Since my phone is usually in my purse, I don’t attempt to pull it out and use Siri while driving.  I’m not suicidal, even though you would never know this if you observed my eating habits.  I have attempted to use my VW’s hands free system, but the VW Bluetooth Biotch is worse than Siri.  Ms. VW tells me I don’t have my own cell phone number and that she can’t text me, and other such nonsense. Again, if she were a real person, and not a beautiful sporty little car, she would be fired.  So, usually, by the time I got home, the super fast creative brain has dulled and I end up grunting out two sentences in a Word doc and making more tea.

I usually end up revising and posting a blog while standing in the kitchen, with the laptop on the counter, and stirring something on the stove, sometimes with a glass of wine nearby.  If you have read any of my blogs, you should not be shocked that alcohol may or may not be involved.  I do it all.  I write. I cook. I drink wine, and maybe a little vodka, and scotch, but not at the same time. I bring home the bacon, and I fry it up in a pan. Here’s a video to explain that last part for anyone under forty.

4 thoughts on “My Writing Assistants: Boy Siri and that VW Biotch

  1. The Broadcasters is my favorite!! She’s just awesome!! 🙂
    Jen from Throat Punch actually has something she uses to write notes in her shower!!!

  2. they should both be fired! I use my phone for typing notes, I don’t use the voice recognition function though. I always get my ideas while driving; definitely not the best place for one to be typing or writing. At stop lights, I find a way though. And at work – somehow all the awful social jargon I encounter here seems to always inspire me. 🙂 Have a great one Lisa! -Iva

    1. Iva,
      Yesterday, when I was driving, I repeated my ideas to myself out loud all the way home. It worked. I think. 🙂
      I think I need a secretary. I wonder if I could write that off on my taxes.
      Stay warm!

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