I’ve seen my mother staring at her lighted square and scribbling away, telling you all about our personal lives. She wrote this letter to that big stupid dog a while ago, and told you all about how much I hate her. I DO hate her, but I have a good reason. The creature is frightening, and out of control.
I had mother make videos of the trauma that is my life, but you can hear the old witch laughing. It’s terrible that my own mother finds this funny. The dysfunction never ends around here. Please click on the links to see the videos. Some people think they are funny, but they clearly show how horrible my life is.
No matter how many times I try to tell her we are fighting, Sophie thinks we are playing. (VIDEO) I’m trying to keep order in my own house, and it’s seen as a game by this stupid creature. She scares my brother and sister cats. Morris and Boo Boo run away from this moose-like monster. That is why I must be brave and fight her.
Not only do I fight her, I try to find ways to kill her “accidentally.” I don’t have thumbs, so I can’t just grab a knife and stab her. I have to use my brain instead of my manly brawn.
Sophie is not the only stupid dog I must put up with. There is a small white one, Lola, who has been with this family longer than me. Most people and animals don’t understand seniority anymore. If someone has been in a place longer, they should get more respect. That’s why I put up with this abuse. (VIDEO OF MALTESE HUMPING CAT) You can hear mother laughing in the background on this video, too. Really. Click the link and watch the video.
Aside from Sophie and anyone who works in the veterinarian’s office, where they try to stab me with needles and put thermometers in my fluffy behind, I love everyone. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, or some such cliched nonsense, I offer you proof. Though I do have a Hitler mustache and a dislike for healthcare and large dogs, I am quite a lover.