There are games you play when you have five pets. They’re probably similar to the games you play when you have small children, or live on a farm, or roam the streets of third world countries. They involve identifying and avoiding stepping in excrement. Here’s a small sample of the fun and exciting ways we pass the time at Chez Petty:
Poop or Puke?
Well, the name says it all, doesn’t it? I can’t tell you how many times a week, or sometimes a day, I nearly step in something that is both runny like puke and brownish like poop. It’s generally tough to identify. Sometimes, if I’m brave, I bend down and take a quick sniff. Then, I remember that I’m not Detective Columbo and I don’t really need to know what the stuff is. I just need to get some paper towels, supersonic cleaning fluid, and possibly some rubber gloves.
What’s that wet spot?
This game is best when you have carpet, like we do on 85.7% of our floors (yep, I made the number up). This is because if it’s not a colorful liquid, it catches you by surprise, especially if you are wearing socks. This way, you are not only disgusted by the mystery fluid, but you take it with you for a couple of steps until you rip your socks off. I’m not going to lie; I sniffed my socks once. It was dog pee.
Poop or Toy Debris
One of our dogs is a huge Lab/Great Dane mix. She LOVES to destroy toys. A morning is not complete without the cotton-filled guts of a destroyed sock monkey spread all over the living room. So, every once in a while, like daily, there are mysterious tiny pieces of something on the rug. I usually grab a paper towel before picking anything up, but usually it’s only a piece of felt or rope.
Poop or Mud
Since it is FINALLY becoming spring, sort of, the backyard is wet and warm. The Lab/Dane loves to dig. So, she ends up coming back inside with half of my husband’s garden under her nails (yes, it’s just HIS garden, just like she’s just HIS dog). I’m going to be overly honest again and tell you all that I LOST at “Poop or Mud” this morning. I reached down and picked up a tiny ball of poop with my bare hands. I know it was poop because I smelled it. Thank the universe for Bath and Body Works Kitchen Lemon hand soap. I scrubbed.
Not all animal games are excrement related. Since we have three cats and two dogs, we also get a variety of noise related games. Here are two:
Fighting or playing
This game usually starts when our two male cats run across the house chasing each other. There are usually a couple of ninja summersault moves that make the two resemble some sort of multi-colored furry ball. Once I see the fur tumbleweeds coming out of the ball, I know the correct answer is fighting.
Is someone puking, choking, or is the neighbor hammering something?
It never fails. My husband and I will be on the couch, watching Bates Motel, or some other super cool show, when that noise will start. You know the one. So we both get up, and look around for the upchucking cat or dog. Usually, it’s a cat with a wicked hairball. Sometimes, though, it’s our neighbor hammering or shoveling something. I’m not sure why the sounds are identical.
So, what about you? What kind of shenanigans go on in your house? What kind of cleaning fluid do you use?