My friend Michelle over at Rubber Shoes in Hell wrote a blog about her co-workers. Unlike me, Michelle actually puts on acceptable clothes (this probably includes a real bra, not a cami) and shoes that are not made of fluff and foam, and gets in her car to go to a building that is not her home all before the coffee fully begins to work. I’m shaking my head at the horror of this scenario. My guess is she probably doesn’t watch the Today Show while she goes through her email. The horror!!
So, since I LOVED Michelle’s co-worker blog, I decided to share my own wonderful co-workers with you. Most of the beings who share my office are not human, but it is easy to imagine how they would be as “real” co-workers. Feel free to leave a comment about your co-workers, human or otherwise.
Lola – Maltese and Security Guard — Lola is short, pasty, and weighs in at 8 pounds. In her mind, she could beat Mike Tyson. She is the first to go nuts when anyone is at the door. She barks at people who walk down the street and trees that sway in the wind. When she is not protecting this house and everyone in it, she humps Andre. Even though she has her own restroom (a potty pad), Lola frequently poops on the floor. Lola would be that person who is always yelling over her cubicle at her co-workers rather than just emailing them as nature intended.
Andre – Super Model and Wannabe Murderer — Andre is one of those guys who is more beautiful than some ladies, and he HATES that. Andre is fond of tuna water and most people. He hates the vet and Sophie with a white-hot passion. He tolerates Lola’s humping, snuggles with Boo Boo, and frequently starts fights with Morris. If Andre were a human, he would be in prison for attempting to murder an annoying co-worker
Boo Boo — Prefers Picabo and Boar’s Head – Boo is a lady, unless she wants cheese. She will only eat Boar’s Head white American cheese. Boo does not like strangers or being chased by Sophie. She has also been known to pee, poop, or puke on herself in a carrier. Boo is an easy puker and frequently pukes into the shared dry food bowl. Her brothers are horrified. If Boo were a human co-worker, she would be that sort of snotty thin girl who barfs after lunch.
Morris – Professional Drooler – Morris begs for food and attention (mostly for food). For real. He gets on his hind feet and rubs his front paws together while meowing. He also drools on people when they hold him. He gets along with everyone, but beats the crap out of Andre when he starts a fight. If he were a real office worker, he would be that guy who is at his desk all day but no one knows what he does exactly.
Sophie – Friendly Poop Eater – Sophie is 81 pounds of poop-scented love. She enjoys tearing the stuffing out of toys, digging in the yard, and barking at her own little imaginary world of demons. If Sophie were a person, she would be someone who just quit smoking, as she has to have something in her mouth 96% of the day. She tried to bring a frozen turd in from the back yard once. If she were a real office worker, she would be the person that steals your lunch from the fridge. She would also be the person with the really bad breath.
Husband – PT Office Manager – My husband leaves the home to work. So, he is only PT in this office. However, he is industrious enough to be in a management position as a PTer. He is the executive in charge of all things icky, sticky, heavy, and disgusting. He cleans up poop and other fun stuff when he is at the office. He hired Sophie.
Son – Rock Star and PT Associate – My son is 17 and he is PT during the school year. He plays with the furry employees and vacuums up their fur. When he is not engaged with the co-workers, he provides musical entertainment for the office when he writes new music or practices with his band. He does not poop on the floor.