Google Stalking a Former Bully

How could she not make fun of this?
How could she not make fun of this?

As your token work from home hermit friend, I spend a lot of time on ye olde interwebs. Basically, unless I am sleeping or doing something that requires water, I’m online at least five days a week. Like you, I sometimes need a break. Unlike you, I don’t have a water cooler to gather around with my co-workers. So, I browse the Internet. I think “surf” is the hip term, but as I may have mentioned, I’m old-fashioned. Every so often, someone from my past comes to mind and I wonder whatever happened to that person. So, I Google stalk him or her. Most of the time, I can’t find anything on the person because of a common name like Smith or Sullivan. Sometimes, I hit GOLD, though, like I did with my former bully, Z.W. If her initials are Z.W. you can probably imagine her name. I won’t share her name with you, but I will share the letter I would like to send her.

Dear Z,

You probably don’t remember me. I was that short, chubby, white girl that you used torment at McNichol in the mid 80’s. Well I’m still a short, chubby, white girl, but you don’t torment me anymore.

Remember the day that I hit you? I’ve never been so angry in my life. Well, maybe I have been angrier since then. You were sitting behind me in pre-algebra. Remember, we had that teacher who probably kept Bourbon in her desk? She was one of those mean, raspy-voiced drunks, and she had that pube-like hair – just frazzled. Between her scary “teaching” style and your constant criticism, and the fact that it was MATH class, I was in tears nearly every day.

I remember that one day you were poking me in the back because of course you just had to sit right behind me. I had enough, and I grabbed my yellow Jordache purse and I swung it around and hit you right in the head. You’re so lucky we didn’t carry big smart phones around back then. You looked so shocked. I was shocked too. You said something about kicking my ass, or whatever, but you never did. You just threatened me a lot, as usual, but then you sort of left me alone. I don’t regret hitting you.

Not only were you mean, but you had everything I wanted. You had Gucci and Louis Vuitton purses. You had Beverly Hills Polo Club outfits — everything I wanted. I could never understand how someone who was as rich as you appeared to be went to McNichol – a ghetto school. For some reason, you came to mind recently, so I Googled you and I figured it out.

I found an article about your stepdad being arrested as one of the biggest heroin dealers in South Florida. The article talked about how you lived in a huge house on three lots, but located in the hood. There was even a quote from you yelling about how they didn’t know what kind of man he was. It all made sense then. I lost all anger towards you and totally understood. You had a heckuva life. You may have had all those things but you had a lot of drama at home; I’m certain of it. If we had ever actually talked in school, we probably would have been friends.

Through the magic of Google, I see that you’re now a midwife and an all-around very spiritual person. You are also an artist. I have to say Z, I never would have pictured you becoming the person you are today. I’m happy for you. You seem peaceful–so far away from that mean girl I knew. Good for you, Z.


That little, fat white girl


14 thoughts on “Google Stalking a Former Bully

  1. Would you stop with the inspiration already. It’s really hard to be cynical with awesome realizations like yours sneaking up on me. Might as well have just hit me with a yellow Jordache purse. I Googled one of my sister’s bullies, and she’s a freaking counselor now. Unreal. Now I want to write about it. See what you’ve done? (Hugs;))

    1. A counselor?? Wow! It is amazing how people change. Maybe she felt some remorse. I would love to read about your reaction to this news. Let me know if you decide to blog about it. Hugs back to you.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your childhood bully, Z. But you seem like such a strong and admirable person, Lisa. I admire you for your ability to forgive and let go. Although Savior saved my ass in high school, she still was not a good person. I chose to ride her coattail because I didn’t want to be afraid to walk through the doors of my high school any longer.
    It’s funny how we learn about our bullies previous childhoods growing up. Savior must have had it really rough at home and it never got any better for her. Sadly, she was arrested last year for bank robbery; no joke. Her and her degenerate drug-addict boyfriend. I guess for some people, their past swallows them up. I would have liked to help her because behind school walls, she was actually a fun and sweet person. But like many bullies, she was always putting on a “front.” Lucky for me, when we were assigned to sit next to one another and work together on projects, we had no choice but to speak cordially if we wanted to pass. I’d like to help her but I believe she is serving time somewhere. So sad.
    Thanks for sharing this and reminding us about forgiveness.

    1. Gina,
      It sounds like your savior and mine were very different. Mine greeted me at the bus stop on my first day at a new school and treated me like I was the coolest person ever. I wasn’t used to that. Through her, I became friends with all of the preppy people, but I still remained friends with my old friends. It felt like someone had finally turned on the sun and moved a dark cloud out of the way.
      Bank robbery??? I’m surprised people still attempt that. Maybe she will get the help she needs in jail. Who am I kidding?
      Really, there are a few people who hurt me that I will never understand or forgive. I’ve started writing a memoir about those times — before the sun came out.
      Thanks for reading. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

  3. I sometimes wonder what happened to the bullies from my life. Did they change? Are they sports mom / dad bullies now? I’ve seen a fair amount of that…sometimes it just changes form. I’d like to think that people mature and change though. I always tell my kids, junior high and high school are really short times in your life. High school can be a lot of fun if you’re not getting bullied, but I think something happens one time or another that is difficult to take. But truly, it’s just a blip in our lives. College isn’t anything like high school. The drama is gone. I’ve never Googled anyone from my past though…now you’ve got me curious.

    1. Let me know what happens if you decide to Google stalk. It is so entertaining. With Google and Facebook, I feel no need to ever go to another HS reunion again.

      Thanks for your comment!

  4. Lol I really hope you sent her that and please let me know if she responds because that would be EPIC! 🙂 I’m quite fortunate I never had a bully or anyone really mean but I think I was friends with the most aggressive girls anyway (note I said aggressive not bullies lol). It’s nice when they turn out to change and end up being decent human beings. It also makes you wonder what they saw in you that they lacked or didn’t have that they hated you for, or what they hated in themselves that they felt the need to take out on you? Happy Tuesday Lisa! -Iva

    1. Iva,
      I think she bullied me because I was timid and dreadfully unfashionable. I was poor. So, when I got A PAIR of Jordache jeans, I wore them for a week straight. 🙂 This is one reason my son is a spoiled middle class child. I want him to have everything I couldn’t have. 🙂
      Thanks for your post!

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