Why I Have an Only Child – For all of the NOSY People

When my son was little, well-meaning but really dumb people would ask me when I was having another child. When I told them I wasn’t really thinking of having another, they said well-meaning and totally stupid things like:

What if something happens to him? I assumed they meant death. Well, it’s not like I would stand next to his grave with my arm around my second child and say, “Thank the universe I had the spare.”   It would still destroy me.

You don’t want him to be spoiled. Well, I was raised as an only child because my brother lived with my father after the divorce that occurred before I can remember even being alive. I don’t consider myself spoiled.   Bite me.

Aren’t you afraid he will be lonely? Nope. I would be more afraid if he didn’t learn how to be alone. I’m an introvert, just in case you have never read this blog before and don’t get that.

As my son got older, people were less inquisitive about any impending pregnancy. Now, that he is 17, most new folks assume I am his sister. Because I’m that hot. I made that up. Seriously, people have finally stopped asking. So now, I will actually answer. Here are the reasons I never had a second child:

  • The labor experience was HORRIBLE. No, I didn’t forget. Seventeen hours of labor, with a necessary SECOND epidural, and then an unscheduled C-Section. This was followed by REALLY UNSUCCESSFUL breast-feeding.
  • I soon realized that I am not great with babies. I like humans who can talk and tell me what the hell they want. I don’t do crying and sleep deprivation well.
  • I was not put on this earth to clean up shit and puke. Some people love to care for others and can deal with this nonsense. They are called nurses. Go hug one.
  • I separated from my first husband when my son was three. Even though it is in vogue, I opted to not have the bastard child with a random baby daddy that I thought was cute on a Saturday night while I was drinking. And like I had time to date. I had a PRE-SCHOOLER!!
  • When I did remarry, my son was already 8. By the time my husband and I realized we had fertility issues, he was 12. Sure we could have tried super expensive medical intervention, but why? By this time, my son didn’t even bug me in the middle of the night when he puked. Sometimes, there’s no going back.

So, there you have it. This is why the apple of my eye, and he is, is my ONLY apple. I love this boy more than peanut butter cups and kittens, and I’m glad I can focus all of my maternal love on him. Tune in next time when I tell you why I never had him baptized. 😉

My one and only
My one and only

32 thoughts on “Why I Have an Only Child – For all of the NOSY People

  1. It never ceases to amaze me the stupid questions that people will ask a mom. “What if something happens to him?” Is that really why people have multiple children? Sounds like a Jodi Picoult novel waiting to happen 😛

  2. Excellent responses every one! I get very similar responses from folks who say, “I’m sorry,” when I tell them I don’t have children! It’s as if people don’t make that choice. Some folks don’t think before they speak . . . or any other time!

    Thanks for telling it like it is!

    1. See my response to Desire. I hate that. Good for you for knowing what you wanted out of life and following that path. Not everyone in the world needs to have a child. JEEZ!

  3. Love this post! I also only had one son (and lucky enough to have 2 stepkids too). Two of my best friends chose not to have kids at all and people make really insensitive comments about that too!

    1. Desire, I hate that when people say bad things about people who choose not to have kids at all. I say kudos to those people who KNOW what they want out of life. They are happy with their decision; leave them alone. Plus, it’s not like we have a shortage of people in the world.
      Shaking my head.

  4. I remember my first son was barely 6 months when people started asking me, and when I mean people, I don’t mean friends and family, I mean total strangers! Then when I had my third, strangers, again in supermarkets, would ask me if I was finally done or if I was thinking of going for a fourth. Maybe there is something about me and supermarkets! Lol! I love this post!

    1. WTH is wrong with people. Next time someone asks you, tell them you are going to keep having babies until you can no longer sit comfortably on a bar stool. They won’t ask again. I promise.

  5. You inspire me, Lisa! I have just one child and I got all of those questions and more. OK, I have a blog post to write before BlogU! Muah for the inspiration!

  6. Oh, I love this piece and am totally on your side. I barely know a neighbor across the street who suggested we have another child. I guess he wasn’t there when I almost died delivering my son. We are such a complete family with one wonderful, non-spoiled thirteen year old. Way to go doing what’s right for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter.

    1. Joanne,
      That is just awesome of your neighbor to give his opinion on your frigging family life. Is he going to revive you if you almost die in labor again? Is he going to get up all night with the baby? Now, I want to drive over and smack you neighbor.
      Off to make herbal tea. 🙂

  7. LOL I swear sometimes I think we’re distant soul mates – I’m in the exact same predicament. I have been wtih my boyfriend two years now and people are constantly fucking asking about that shit. it’s obnoxious because I honestly don’t think I want another one and the part of me that I feel does is societal influence telling me so, like my mother. I think babies are cute but I 100% prefer humans who can tell me what they want and my son is FINALLY at that age and it is GLORIOUS. I am loving every minute of it, we can have moderately in depth conversations and you know what, I can devote my entire energy to him without worrying about offending the other one. I fully agree, it’s good that they learn to be on their own and he has cousins so he’s straight. Besides, like my bf says the world is overpopulated enough we don’t need to contribute. You’re welcome world! Happy Hump Day Lisa! -Iva

    1. Exactly, Iva. There are plenty of people in the world, and a lot of them are assholes. It is great to be able to nurture ONE kid, especially a son. Boys love their mamas. As he gets older, you will be glad you can pay attention to him. If you have another one, you might not notice when he needs you to give him a condom talk or other glorious parenting moments. 🙂
      I’m off to read your blog.

  8. Lisa when will I ever learn not to be in the middle of a sip of Pinot when I read one of your blogs! Oh I so needed a giggle tonight and the ‘so hot’ remark was like a vitamin. Yes, we are hot! And I’m jumping on that bandwagon because I also had an only son. By the time hubby Gene and I thought of having one of our own, it was a tad late and the nosy Rosies who had been eagerly waiting to not help with a new baby in any way started wrinkling their faces and almost yakking when 39 year old me remarked about ‘my last chance’ to have a baby. Alas, first baby was near 20 hrs old and it might have been a little crazy to start over but I wanted so badly for Gene to have one of his own because he knows nothing of unconditional parental love. The sad thing with a son is that you near give them up when they marry as opposed to having a daughter. Not fair but it seems to work that way.
    BTW, why does that annoying box pop up blocking what your are typing every few lines! Grrr!

    1. I don’t know, Debb, Sergio and I are pretty close. I bet the girl will want to move in with us. Chris would not allow that, though. I’m not opposed to living like the Waltons.
      I haven’t see the intruding box. That is odd.

  9. Number one….its no one else’s business. Especially if they are strangers. I can understand how I might want to tease a friend right after they’ve had their first. But if you don’t really know the person that well, its kind of rude to ask that. And what if the person simply CANT have anymore? Niether one of girls were planned. But I had been with their father for 4 years before I first got pregnant and I was ok maturity wise to have her. When I got pregnant with my 2nd. I was panicked. I had not gotten my 1st one potty trained yet. I do not know how people have twins. But then I didn’t have a lot of help. I was basically on my own because my husband was gone a lot and didn’t do much when he was home. Don’t regret them one bit but when he would talk about wanting to try for a boy, although I considered it too, I became resentful because I would be the one doing all the work. Luckily both births were not that bad. They were natural and somewhat quick even though my 1st got stuck in between my pelvic bone and the nurse had to assist in pushing. But breast feeding could be painful at times and the lactating at work was SOOOO embarrassing. What really matters is, that it was your choice and you are happy with the son you have. Oh and neither of my girls are baptized either, lol. So I look forward to your next blog.

    1. Tracy,
      I’m so glad that we found each other again through the magic of Facebook. It’s good to have another like-minded friend. 🙂 I’m not sure which blog I will write next — the baptism one or one about how much I hate AT&T. 🙂
      I’ve seen pictures of your girls and they are beautiful. They seem like good people, too. I think you did good.
      I would cut a vein if I had twins. Literally.
      On that note, I’m off to write.

  10. Lisa-
    My DH is an only child. Your story is nearly identical to my MIL’s. All of it.
    As a mother of three children, I ENVY YOU. We had #3 after an eight year gap. I love him with all my heart, but sometimes my mind wanders (ok, that happens frequently) and imagines how easy we coulda had it kid-wise stopping at 2. I’m tired.
    I’m SO looking forward to meeting you at BlogU!
    -Laura Jo

    1. Laura Jo, I can only imagine how tired you are. I’m tired and I just have one 17 year-old who drives and can take care of himself. I have a friend who has three, and it seems like she is always driving all over to various lessons.
      I’m looking forward to meeting you at Blog U, too. I will be the one who looks like she needs a nap at 2 PM.

  11. Amen, sistah! As a mom of an only by choice, I used to get those questions all the time…and how about this one…”Who is going to take care of you when you’re old?” Ohhhhh, that’s why you have kids, so you have a built-in caretaker…. UGH!

    1. AnnQ, I would be SOL if I were counting on my son to care for me when I’m old. 🙂 I told him to put me in a nice home with cats. As long as there are cats, all is well.

  12. Hi there. I found you while researching “Facebook Personality Disorder”…anyhow it was your Gluten posts that got my further attention. When I saw this one, also being a Gluten intolerant mother of an only child, I had to read it and found more similarities (Lord I hear you on the excruciating childbirth experience!) I also struggled with lactation problems and infertility and have since discovered that the majority of my seemingly unrelated medical issues over my (almost) 45 years are directly or indirectly related to gluten intolerance. I have also discovered that almost all of my immediate relatives died from, have, or have symptoms of gastric/intestinal disease or cancer (including Crohn’s Disease), cerebellar/neurological disorders (including ataxia and autism), obesity, fertility/lactation disorders (including endometriosis), and many have symptoms of autoimmune disease. My cousin’s daughter has been actually diagnosed with Celiac Disease, yet NOBODY in my family has made the shout out “HEY! This stuff is probably genetic and you should be tested ASAP to head off any future health issues if you are not already suffering from any!” Having just recently put all of this together, I am going to try to go 100% gluten free for my son’s health as well as my own starting June 1st. Obviously I am not just gluten intolerant – years of gluten consumption have left me with several chronic disorders. I just don’t have the obvious and immediate reaction that you experience and it is likely that some of your readers are also (apparently) asymptomatic. I strongly urge anybody with a family history of any combination of autoimmune disorders and/or colon disorders to look into the possibility that genes for gluten related health problems run in the family.

    1. Kyra,

      Are we related? Could you be that “normal” relative I’ve always dreamed of? 🙂 Seriously, we have all sorts of GI issues in my family. My mom has colitis and Crohn’s. I have a cousin with bad Crohn’s. My brother has diverticulitis. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s in the early 90’s, but now they are saying it is IBS. It is still very inconvenient. I am the only one in my family who attempts to be gluten free. At my last colonoscopy, I was tested for Celiacs and a host of other things. They were all negative. I think this is because I have been MOSTLY gluten free for years. In order to have an accurate test, you have to eat gluten regularly. I’m not willing to do that.

      Do gluten enzyme pills help you? I take some that I found on Amazon, and they seem to help when I go out to eat.

      1. Lisa, I doubt we are related by blood but surely we are alike in love of writing, use of sarcasm, and (most obviously) drop dead gorgeousness. I apologize for the delay in responding to you. I recently moved and am embarrassed to admit that I am still unpacking. A lot of this has to do with being a perfectionist and doing a test run of couch here, table there before committing to the arrangement by hammering nails in the walls for the art, photos, and other items requiring damage to the property I agreed not to damage in the lease. You may have noticed I have a talent for excuse, procrastination, and certainly brevity is NOT my forte.

        To answer your question on the enzyme pills – I have become so disillusioned by taking anything in pill form that I struggle with taking vitamins that I know I need. I am not so sensitive to the gluten that I have violent reactions (I save those for ex-boyfriends) so I don’t see that in my future. Since I posted last I have made an interesting discovery regarding autoimmune orders and body types. I have at least 7 (minimum to diagnose), possibly 9 of the indicators of Marfan Syndrome, which includes arm span longer than total height, arm/leg to torso ratios showing LONG limbs, early onset nearsightedness, flat foot, hyperflexibility of joints (double jointed, limber to the point of circus contortionist/best girlfriend ever level) among them. I mean I know I am special but really? LMAO!

        Long story short, it is difficult to tell whether any gut problems I have are a medical condition, a symptom of a medical condition, a symptom of an inherited medical condition, a result of exposure to chemicals and genetically modified food, or a combination of two or more of those possibilities. I am on a mission (for my son’s sake) to not be a medical guinea pig or slave to the pervasive thinking that treating the symptoms is all that is necessary. Which only creates a new set of problems (some doctors are not receptive to being challenged: she is a difficult patient, she is a hypochondriac, she has Munchhausen’s syndrome,etc.) Apparently seeking answers while refusing to stab in the dark at benign symptoms will soon be associated with “Kyra Brown Syndrome”. 😀

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