Hey Gluten Detectives, are you in the bathroom with me at 3:00 AM?

Gluten free cookies -- they look "normal."
Gluten free cookies — they look “normal.” No kittens were harmed in the course of eating them.

I’m seeing all kinds of posts on social media about gluten intolerance being a fad. I’m being told by all kinds of well-meaning people (see here for more thoughts on well-meaning people) that I should feel like some kind of dumbass for wanting gluten free products. I’m not a scientist, or medical professional. I can only go by how I feel. I have some very real pain from eating gluten. So, I don’t care about the scientific studies. Really, I don’t get why other people have decided it is their duty to be against those of us who are not eating gluten. Does a kitten die every time I eat a gluten-free cookie? Are you in my uterus, and are we sharing nutrients?

There are lots of lifestyle choices out there that are deemed to be fads. One of my Paleo loving friends recently posted this. The Paleo diet, and its father the Atkins Diet, is thought of as a fad, too. So, I find it amusing when pro Paleo people try to give me dietary direction. The Paleo IS a gluten free diet, by the way. I did some research on the diet before writing this. I even considered following it, but then I realized I couldn’t eat most of the things I like.

One of my Facebook friends sent me this via the messaging tool. There was no note or anything, just a link. It felt like some sort of “Stop being silly, and just eat like a normal ‘Murican” virtual intervention. As you can imagine, I took this very seriously and immediately rethought my eating habits. [Insert sarcasm font.]

Both of the anti-gluten free blogs above point out that the FODMAP diet actually works for IBS, but a gluten free diet does not. That actually makes no sense. I have had stomach issues since FIRST GRADE, and I have done some research. I was not merely waiting around for people to post links on Facebook. Shocking, I know. I have done a lot of reading about the low FODMAP diet. I have even followed the FODMAP diet, and it does help a lot.

The FODMAP diet is wheat free and MOSTLY gluten free. If you click the link you will also notice there are a host of other foods on the bad list. Could it be that someone who was eating gluten free was eating the other “bad” foods (like peppers and onions etc.) because they don’t contain gluten? In doing so, this could have skewed the results in the official “gluten free is a fad” scientific studies.

If you have any doubts about gluten causing me extreme stomach issues, please feel free to join me in the bathroom at 3:00 AM after I have eaten pasta, bread, or had gluten slipped to me in some sort of sauce. If I go to a restaurant and ask for a gluten-free menu, and they actually have one, don’t make me feel like an asshole for ordering from it. There is one person who can offer me dietary advice, my gastroenterologist. She knows me inside and out, literally, and she has a little thing called an M.D. after her name.



14 thoughts on “Hey Gluten Detectives, are you in the bathroom with me at 3:00 AM?

  1. Why people want to be all up in other’s diets is beyond me. Unless, you’re like, eating bleach or something, in which case, I’ll tell you it’s bad for you.

  2. My SIL was losing hair. Doctors couldn’t explain it. She gave up gluten and then stopped losing hair. So she’s with you–just not in the bathroom. I am gluten-full, but I don’t think what other people eat is any of my business. Unless I’d like them to share.

    1. Exactly. If I’m not forcing everyone to eat gluten free, they shouldn’t care what I eat. Even my picky teen son cannot tell the difference between “normal” pancakes and my Smart Flour gluten free pancakes. I’m so glad your SIL didn’t go bald.

  3. There’s tons of problems with commercial wheat. Celiac disease is the merest tip of an iceberg. It’s been hybridized to heck. The processing causes it to have little original nutritional value left. Whole wheat is laden with sugar and salt and fat to make it palatable. Oh and in North America we spray wheat with the same active ingredient you find in RoundUp (glyphosate) to dry it down for earlier harvest. In fact, whole wheat bran can have as much as 9!! times the amount of chemical residue as RoundUp ready corn and soy. Glyphosate has been linked to adverse reactions in gastrointestinal flora, which causes all sorts of problems that stem from leaky gut syndrome and chronic inflammation. And if all of this wasn’t fun enough, people add all kinds of toxic/allergenic crap to flours and breads like bromine, yoga-mat chemicals, dough conditioners…

    IMHO, everyone should be treating commercial wheat and bread like it’s skeevy. It really is! I still use it myself, but I try to have as much control over the whole product as I can–or get it from trusted sources.

    1. I know! I’ve been reading about the yoga mat chemical. YUCK! Why are they feeding us plastic/rubber? For the most part, I try to avoid processed foods. I work from home, so I have my whole fridge here. My husband makes me wonderful burgers out of quinoa and sweet potatoes that I have for lunch pretty regularly. Thanks for your post!

  4. Why do people care what you eat? Lol it’s none of our business what goes on in your bathroom at 3AM, it’s your body and you know it best. I’ve been playing with eliminating sugar from my diet since I have a sleep disorder that keeps me extremely tired and sleepy all day, I’ve been trying to find non-medicinal solutions to it. So far still no success but baby steps. Happy Hump Day Lisa and enjoy those yummy cookies! -Iva

    1. Hey Iva, I would love to eliminate sugar, too, and alcohol. I use stevia in my coffee and I like it. Have you tried it.
      Friday will be here soon, right? 🙂

  5. My friend has celiac disease and has to be gluten free, it’s not a fad it’s a very serious health concern and people should worry about their own self not so much about other people. You not eating gluten just means there’s more gluten for ME to eat! 🙂

    1. Exactly. Celiac’s is a serious disease. The body of a Celiac patient has an inflammatory response to gluten. I just have IBS, meaning I get stomach trouble from it. My beef is with people who tell me that because I don’t have Celiac’s I am imagining things. Well, I’ve been imagining things since first grade then. 🙂

      You can have all of my cupcakes. 🙂

  6. Holy sh*t! 3:00 am? You are so lucky, it only takes my body about 25 minutes before I’m running to the bathroom. I saw that IFLScience post; now I know why I skipped it.

    I’ll admit I’m bad, because REAL bread has no substitute to my taste buds, and I eat things that will make me sick. But even with that occasion cheating my skin is clearer, I’m sleeping better, my gut is not inflated so much that I have to wear a size bigger pants, and my fibroid doesn’t do as much damage each month.

    I’ve learned if I’m going to cheat items made with pastry wheat flour, the most milled and refined, does the least amount of damage. Having said that a DD donut is my friend but Oreos are not.

    1. Mmmm! Donuts!! GF donuts are just not the same. I ordered some gluten digesting enzymes from Amazon and they help a lot. Have you tried anything similar?

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