Time Warner and other Piss Poor Products

I thought If I climbed in the damn thing I could make it work.  It just made me grouchy.
I thought If I climbed in the damn thing I could make it work. It just made me grouchy.

I love to share my product experiences with people. If you follow me on the social interwebs, you know that I love Smart Flour, Posh Cosmetics, and the Papillion Spa. I’m always giving them a thumbs-up because I truly love the products and services. I am not paid to say good things about them. I just love them. So, I figured it would be fair if I am just as honest about the goods and services I have used that absolutely suck, and here they are.

Time Warner Internet – This is by far the suckiest Internet service I have ever had, and I have worked entirely online for ten years. So, Internet service is something I use all day, every day. My Time Warner service is so fucktastically slow that I swear my router is powered by a geriatric hamster on a wheel. This poor rodent gets tired frequently. Hell, it may even die and be replaced by another hamster, or maybe even a gerbil. So then, I must use my Verizon Mifi, which actually works BETTER than my home Internet. We have called Time Warner numerous times, and they are sending yet another person to our house this week. For real. If you see me on the news, you know it didn’t go well. Update: Time Warner just had some poor dude from India call my cell phone to “resolve the issue remotely.” It’s an issue with the equipment outside.  I’m not sure how many times I said “fucking” while telling him to call my husband and no, we are not doing this remotely.

AT&T gets the one finger salute.
AT&T gets the one finger salute.

AT&T Cell Service – I live in a medium to large city, not a swamp or cave, so you would expect that my cell service would actually work, ya know since I pay for it and all. AT&T is HORRIBLE in my town. I feel like I would get a better signal if I wrapped myself in foil and did interpretive dance with my phone always pointed southwest. We did call the AT&T people to see if we could get out of our contract to switch to Verizon, which actually works in our area. They said no, but ever so kindly SOLD us a Microcell tower so we could get a signal in our house. Unfortunately, we still don’t get a signal elsewhere. Thanks, assholes. As soon as our contract is up, Verizon gets our business.

This just moved the cat fur around my sweater.
This just moved the cat fur around my sweater.

Norwex – I went to a friend’s house for a Norwex cleaning product party because I love this friend dearly. Normally, I say no to crap like this. If I want to buy anything, I buy it from Amazon as nature intended. To be honest, I was impressed with the Norwex demonstration at the party, so I ordered a dusting mitt and a lint “brush” mitt. I planned on ordering more stuff later. I’m glad I didn’t because both of these mitts are as useless as a more famous Mitt that we all may know. The FREE roll of tape lint remover that my dry-cleaner gave me for Christmas works better.

If by "sucks" you mean "not at all" we have a winner.
If by “sucks” you mean “not at all” we have a winner.

Dyson – Yes, we Americans just cream our shorts over a British accent, don’t we? This is why we end up buying really expensive things that don’t fucking work. Jaguar, anyone? This is how my family ended up with a Dyson vacuum. I fell in love with Mr. Dyson’s voice on the commercials, had 1 or 25 sexual dreams about him, and talked my husband into buying one of his “better” vacuums. I’m shaking my head at myself. I should have just gotten another Hoover at Target, as I refuse to shop at Walmart. Seriously, we have to fully dismantle this Dyson, which is supposedly the PET model, after every third or fourth use or the spinning brush will not spin and the damn vacuum will NOT suck, which makes it suck in my book.

I’ve exhausted myself from spewing all of this sucky product anger. Please, tell me what products you have wasted your hard-earned money on. I would love to hear from you in the comment section. I’m off to pour myself a glass of wine to keep my head from exploding.

16 thoughts on “Time Warner and other Piss Poor Products

  1. You DON’T love your Dyson?!? My husband is having an affair with the 2 that we have – I guess I shouldn’t be jealous because they at least keep the house somewhat clean. But I have yet to find a vac that actually tackles the 3 dogs furball monsoon that takes over my house every week. But I’m totally on board with your accurate description of AT&T – little f’ers.

    1. Nope. Our Dyson is good for three vacuums and then the spinning brush stops working. We are just vacuuming normal, low pile carpet, and I empty the dust thing after every use.
      AT&T and Time Warner are getting coal for Christmas.

  2. Hughesnet. Are you sure, when you were writing about Time Warner that you weren’t actually writing about Hughes-suck? And I’m right there with ya- I ditched them for a Verizon MiFi. Works ten times better!

    1. I think they have all gotten together and decided to suck. It’s like a big circle of suck. Cue the Lion King song.

    2. Hughes Net is TERRIBLE. Terrible and expensive. We got rid of them as well. Now we use a litttle thingy that plugs into our computer and runs through at&t I don’t know what it is, it’s still expensive but at least it works and I havne’t had to call india and hear “Hello my name is _____ but you can call me “bob.”” recently so I’m good with it!

      1. Jessie,
        I STILL feel sorry for the poor Indian guy who called me yesterday morning to inform me that he was going to attempt to fix my internet online for the 1,254th time instead of sending a human to my house. I may have to write him an apology note.

  3. I, too, have dreamed of the Dyson man. But never bought one of his products. You’ve convinced me not to! 🙂 Great post! Love your style!

    1. I haven’t tried the veggie scrubber yet. The duster I got for the car leaves a bunch of fuzz and doesn’t take any dust with it. I’m going to stick with old-fashioned chemicals.

  4. ” I feel like I would get a better signal if I wrapped myself in foil and did interpretive dance with my phone always pointed southwest.” Hysterically poignant stuff! I hate my Dyson. It sucks up dust, but not anything chunky (LIKE A BUG!!!) If I wanted to pick up dead palmetto bugs with my frigging hands, I wouldn’t need a vacuum now, would I??? For the record, I don’t do Walmart either. The pennies you can save don’t even begin to cover the health insurance costs they pass onto their consumers … or the fact that they go into communities with the intention of driving out small business, instead of existing symbiotically. They are the devil.

  5. This is on my bucket blog list as well. The review of products thingy, but it’s in the future. I was thinking of asking people to guest post on their experiences on products as well. I would love for you to come and write for me. This however, is amazing. Even though I don’t own any of these.

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