Hey humans, I’m Morris. I’m a big old orange tiger baby and I’m a lover when I’m not scared of new people. My mommy doesn’t like a lot of new people since she is a hermit and all, whatever that means. So, I usually don’t have surprise people. I just got used to the boy’s girl after like a really long time. She’s been coming over since putting on strange fur and pretending to be someone else and getting candy time. She is nice. I let her touch me now. I used to hide under the bed.
My brother and sisters wouldn’t let me touch Mama’s light square because they thought I would drool on it, but I only drool when I have love time with Mama. I also check her milk spots for bumps even though she doesn’t have cat milk. I just use my paws and mash on her to check for weird stuff, you know, to make sure she’s not gonna die of the milk spot disease that everyone talks about. Even though my brother and sisters think I’m stupid, I’m actually really smart. I knew what house I wanted to live in.
One day, a super long time ago, during the hot time of the year, I got lost from my old house. I think they moved and forgot to tell me. So, I started walking and I found Mama’s house. I knew from the all of the animal smells that she was a sucker, um, I mean a good mama. So, I went into her yard, and some old big, black dog growled at me and ran towards me. I didn’t run away since I wasn’t scared. It was just a dog. Didn’t bother me none. Mama yelled, “Mario, leave it!” and the creature left me alone. A while ago, that dog crossed the rainbow bridge. Now, we have a new bigger black dog. I wonder if it’s the same one, but just bigger. This one’s a girl and the old one smelled like a boy. Oh well. They are both nice. I’m OK with dogs and other cats, unless they are mean to me. There are a few in my house. These are all of my sisters and my brother. I have my own names for them, but I know what Mama calls them, too.
Mean Ninja (Andre) always just wants to fight me. I don’t understand that kind of anger. Maybe he’s hungry. I’m bigger though. So, I usually win unless Mama breaks us up.
Pot Head Tiger (Boo) is a striped baby like me. She’s gray though. Boo is usually nice to me and doesn’t start fights. She likes kitty pot. I don’t get it. It does nothing for me. Daddy grows it for her. I think he could get arrested for that.
Yippie dog (Lola) is a dog but she is littler than me. She makes noises when I am trying to sleep all day. Lola always thinks we are being attacked or something. I wish she would shut up.
Trample (Sophie) is a big black dog, and she really likes to chase you and play and stuff. I don’t like being chased. I try to run away, but sometimes she steps on me. She’s too big, but she’s not scary, just kind of dumb.
I don’t really hang out with my brother or my sisters all day. I like to hide in Mama’s closet and sleep. She says I’m a vampire, but I don’t sparkle and I don’t eat blood. I eat cat food, and lots of it. Whenever I’m awake, you can find me with my face in a bowl. My siblings tell me I’m fat. It’s not my fault. I think I have an eating disorder just like this cat and his Mama.
So, if you like hearing about me and stuff, share this with your human friends. Read it to your cats and dogs, too. They like to hear stories. I gotta get back to the closet now. The sun is shining through the windows and you know how us gingers burn.