Back in the day, when I was 22 and skinny, I decided it would be a great idea to marry a tall, dark, and handsome man I met in college. Sure, we had broken up a couple of times and had sort of dramatic, violent arguments, but he was cute and funny, and I didn’t feel like dating any more (at 22!). So, we got married.
We didn’t stay married. A couple of years after we brought our rock star son into the world, we parted ways for good. We had a miserable divorce (are there any fun divorces), and we fought bitterly. Through the years, I thought that my son was the only good thing to come from my starter marriage. Until now.
Recently, I came across a call for submissions to a humor anthology. When I saw that, I realized that I had tons of funny stories about arguments with my ex, most of them having to do with the language/cultural barrier between us. You see, he is a Cuban American and I am just your standard pasty white girl. I felt like I lived in an episode of I Love Lucy.
If you want to read more about my first marriage, and the arguments that eventually led to the end of it, you’re in luck. My story, along with other FUNNY stories, will appear in Clash of the Couples on November 3. Here is more information about the book:
Coupledom. Fact or fable, Adam and Eve birthed the perpetual relationship drama as seen on TV today. Despite the serpents, this couple HAD IT MADE. Luxury real estate, lush gardens, and privacy out the yin-yang. Life was glorious until the bare-bottomed babe could no longer resist temptation. Despite her better half’s warnings and threats to sleep in a tree, she tasted the forbidden fruit. One bite of that seductive, juicy contraband and the stage was set for eternity— a nibble that has blossomed into an endless supply of tiny tidbits that divide lovers to this day!
Taking a cue from the naked explorers of authentic sin, Clash of the Couples is a new anthology featuring a collection of completely absurd lovers’ squabbles and relationship spats. Think couples fight over kids, sex, and money? Think again! Furniture, the last beer, and where to store the placenta are what genuinely ignite our feuds. And no argument is off limits. This book has it all!
Inside you’ll find a gut-busting compilation of stories such as: “I Can’t Believe You Ate My Sandwich,” “Never Assume Anything,” “Only I Can Talk About Me,” and “You Want Some College Boobs?” from forty-three fearless writers. Prepare to laugh, roll your eyes, and shiver in suspense. While Eve may have had the first bite, we ate the whole tree. And made pies.
Published by Blue Lobster Book Co., Clash of the Couples launches loudly and obnoxiously on November 3, 2014. You’ll hear us coming, but look for it on Amazon, B&N, Apple, and other places where you typically buy books. For instant updates, follow along on Facebook!
The lineup includes:
- Andrew S. Delfino of Almost Coherent Parent
- Crystal Ponti of MommiFried
- Camille DeFer Thompson of Camille DeFer Thompson
- Kimberly Morand of Anchor Magazine: Navigating Depression, Bipolar, and Anxiety
- Meredith Napolitano of From Meredith to Mommy
- Chris Dean of pixie.c.d.
- Linda Roy of elleroy was here
- Kevin Zelenka of Double Trouble Daddy
- Sarah Cottrell of Housewife Plus
- R.C. Liley of Going Dad
- Mary Widdicks of Outmanned
- Marie Bollman of Make Your Own Damn Dinner
- Ginny Marie of Lemon Drop Pie
- Mike Reynolds of Puzzling Posts
- Leigh-Mary Hoffmann of Happily Ever Laughter Blog
- Lisa Petty of Lisa R. Petty — That is ME, you guys!!
- Lynn Shattuck of The Light Will Find You
- Jeff Bogle of Out With The Kids
- Stacey Gustafson of Are You Kidding Me?
- Angela Godbout of FRaPS
- Courtney Conover of The Brown Girl with Long Hair
- Jenny Hills of Express Bus Mama
- Marcia Kester Doyle of Menopausal Mother
- Julia Arnold of Frantic Mama
- Jessica Azar of Herd Management
- Susan A. Black of I Like That
- Dave Lesser of Amateur Idiot Professional Dad
- Sarah del Rio of est. 1975
- Nicole R. Wildhood of Naught Be All Else
- Angela Keck of Writer Mom’s Blog
- Alexa Bigwarfe of No Holding Back
- Brian Sorrell of Dadding Full Time
- Kathryn Leehane of Foxy Wine Pocket
- April Grant of 100lb Countdown
- Bev Feldman of Linkouture
- Jodi Flaherty of The Noise of Boys
- Scott Rigdon of Three Five Zero
- Lydia Richmond of Cluttered Genius
- Allie Burdick of VITA – Train for Life
- Michelle Grewe of Crumpets and Bollocks
- Barb Godshalk of Co-Author of Tall Tales and Short Stories from South Jersey
- Jonathon Floyd of One Funny Daddy
- Amanda Mushro of Questionable Choices in Parenting
- Chris Carter of The Mom Cafe