Not Missing my Little Boy

As I flip through Facebook statuses, a lot of things make me roll my eyes. There are always super religious posts or political “arguments” on Zuckerberg’s brain suck site. No matter where you fall on the religiopolical spectrum, there is always something to piss you off or make you want to cry. I can deal with all of the usual visual hot air, but nothing makes me roll my eyes more than moms who post about missing their babies.

I’m not talking about moms who have had children taken from them. This is different. You’ve seen it. It usually happens on Throwback Thursday or any number of children’s birthdays. The mom posts a baby picture of her teen with a status about how much she misses her sweet little baby. I always found this to be hurtful. To me, it’s like saying that your current, older kid is not a kind, wonderful person. I always wondered how kids felt about it, so I asked my personal expert on all things teen, my eighteen year-old son. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Hey, if I put a baby picture of you on Facebook and talked about how much I missed my sweet little boy, how would you feel?

Son: Like shit.

Ok. So, it’s not just me. Think about it. Imagine if your spouse put an old picture of you up and said, “I miss this skinny, blonde person.” That is how teens see this “I miss my baby” nonsense. Teens have so many hormones running through their bodies, which can make them even more sensitive. So, as a mom, I try not to hurt my son’s feelings. Also, truth be told, I DON’T miss the baby and little kid years. I wouldn’t go back in time even if it meant I would drop twenty pounds and about a hundred gray hairs.

I MIGHT have a tiny problem.
I MIGHT have a tiny problem.

I don’t really NEED to be needed. I applaud every step towards independence my son makes, not just because I am a lazy mom who would rather sit on the couch and drink wine and eat peanut butter cups. Well….. Seriously, my main job is to prepare my son to live on his own and not be an asshole. So, every step he takes towards being a sane, kind adult makes me hear a round of pre-recorded 1970’s sitcom applause in my head. There are so many good things about having an older kid.

For one, I get credit for Easter baskets and Christmas gifts. Sure, it was kind of fun to pretend that Santa or the Easter Bunny delivered surprises at night. It is much better to get full credit and thanks for the presents. Also, I can give my son his presents early since he knows that mystical creatures do not enter our home on certain nights. This is great because I would almost burst when I had to keep stuff hidden in my closet until just the right night.

I’m a better parent now than I was in my twenties, when I had my son. I have more patience now. I’m a happier, saner person. I’m happy with my husband, and not going through a divorce like I was when my son was little. I am parenting with love rather than a fear of losing control. I was a screamy yelly mom in my twenties. I got over that.

The boy is no longer a puke fountain. If he has to vomit, he knows how to get to the toilet or at least the sink. No more middle of the night sessions of running the carpet cleaner, the washing machine, along with my expletive spewing mouth.

They can pick you up when you fall on your ass. A few weeks ago, I fell on my ass in the driveway. Damn ice. It’s invisible, slippery, and deadly. I didn’t think I could walk after I hit the ground. My son helped me up and drove me to the ER for x-rays. He could not have done that when he was a toddler.

Really, there is an endless list of things I love about my son. Like most parents, I think my child is the smartest, most talented, funniest person in the world. In fact, I wrote this blog for Scary Mommy about why my son is better than any little kid. Now, this piece is written in Sarcasm. If you are not fluent in this ancient tongue, you might be offended.

So, what do you think? Do you miss your little baby? Let me hear from you in the comment section.

 

 

11 thoughts on “Not Missing my Little Boy

  1. Ahh yes… I bless my stars those years are long gone! Am I ever nostalgic? Sure… but I’m nostalgic for waiting on Santa too as long as you mention it! However… clearly… being 5 or 6 again in not in my wheelhouse. No… for me its sit back and laugh at my kids as their kids exact a bit of karma their way!!

  2. I do miss the sweet blondish curls on my youngest. I miss how he used to cuddle (he’s skeptical this ever happened). But, you know? I don’t want to go back to those days. OK, I do want to have that body again. I didn’t appreciate it enough when I had it. But, aside from that? I am GLAD my boys are grown ups. I miss my eldest tons and wish he wasn’t on the other side of the world in VA where the people are really strange and don’t like to walk in the rain, but he does come home every few years and often calls us. But, I do not EVER want another baby (ok, maybe a grandkid in 10 or so years) or a kid to potty train or to remove lego bricks from his nose or to remove the clothes pin from the cat’s tail because he thought it might be interesting to see what would happen. I adore my boys, but nope..am glad they are grown up and I can have a chauffeur if I need one.

  3. Do I miss the younger child? There are some things I miss and some things I don’t miss. Don’t miss the puck machines or stepping on a hot wheel or a small Lego that didn’t put away. Had a fractured tail bone due to a hot wheel car. Sure I used some pretty colorful words and the kids said I was going to get my mouth washed with and sent to my room. Would have to have been sent to my rrom.

  4. I have been guilty of doing exactly what you loathe and appreciate your perspective. I DO appreciate the wonderful young woman my daughter has become and is still becoming. But I do miss being needed more. What I am realizing is that she still needs me, but not for those little things like taking her to the potty or reading a bedtime story. Now she needs me to be her safety net, her lighthouse and a good listener. We share jokes that we could never have shared back then, and I adore her. I think it’s possible to love the person your child is becoming AND miss the little version of them … the one that wasn’t too old to snuggle on the couch or hold your hand. Thanks for pointing out that I need to keep this crap to myself, though. I do think when I miss my little girl, though, I am longing for a less complicated time, when we weren’t waiting with baited breath for college acceptances … when I could control what she ate and pack healthy lunches, instead of listening to her cry because she’s gained weight and can’t lose it … when homework was simple and brief and I saw more of her, because she wasn’t holed up in her room … when her door was always open … when she had no cell phone and I didn’t have to beg her to “Love the one you’re with” … before she spent 6 years in and out of hospitals. Maybe it’s just simplicity that I long for.

    1. Parri, That is a great point. When your daughter was little, it was a simpler time. When my son was little, it was a more complicated and depressing time for me. My life was in chaos because I was going through a divorce. I had thought of that before, but never REALLY took it in until you posted.
      Thanks you for taking the time to comment. Just think — one day we will be grandmas and we will have our cuddlers again. Then, if they get grouchy or pukey, we can hand them off to their parents. 🙂

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