A while back, there was talk of Facebook developing a “dislike” button. I really don’t think we need a button like that. It’s not because I’m Suzy Sunshine and I think the world has enough dislike or anything unicorn and glittery like that. I just think that a dislike button is not specific enough. We need Facebook buttons for a variety of posts that make us want to hate everyone and delete the Facebook app. I thought of four just sitting here drinking my basic white girl pumpkin latte.
OH THE DRAMA! — This button could be used when one of your “friends” posts yet another long tirade about how the world is against him or her. These people always have some kind of trashy reality show level happenings in their lives. They always SAY they hate drama, but continue to wave their crazy flag as if a big puppet master forced them to spaz out.
NOT BULLIED – Some people are bullied, and that sucks. If someone uses mental or physical intimidation to make someone’s life a living hell, they are a bully. We can all agree on that. In social media, the term bully is overused. So, if someone spray paints “fat bitch” on your garage, you have been bullied. If someone declines your invitation to dinner, you have NOT been bullied. You have been rejected. Shit happens. Get over it.
OFF YOUR MEDS? — This one is for when your “friend” “likes” pages that he or she used to hate, or all of the sudden invites you to a number of Jamberry or Mary Kay virtual parties. A similar version called “Get on Some Meds” could also be used for our friends in the Drama and Not Bullied groups.
NOPE — This one is for when people post videos of hang gliding, zip lining, eating raw octopus, or holding huge snakes. Nope. Nope. Nope. And Nope.
Since I only had one shot of espresso in my coffee that is all I could think of. I figured there had to be more necessary Facebook buttons, so I asked some Facebook friends to share their ideas. Here is what they had to say:
“Rolled my eyes so hard gave myself a migraine.”
“Unbunch your knickers.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Please don’t reproduce.”
“Do you think I give a rat’s ass?”
“How’s that working for you?”
“Check your Privilege.” (For clueless folks complaining about minimum wage workers and not CEO salaries)
“Are you for real?”
“Stop trying to sell me shit!”
“Stop tagging me in passive-aggressive ‘thanks for being my friend’ posts designed to praise me and punish others and vice-versa.”
“Why would you post this racist bullshit after shouting ‘amen’ when my husband preached on Sunday about fighting racism with our Middle-Eastern Jewish friend Jesus?”
“You’re not a victim.”
“I was there; it wasn’t that good.”
“We get it. Your husband adores you.”
“That isn’t what you said about her the last time you talked trash.”
“I secretly hate you, but it would make for a socially awkward relationship if I don’t hit the like button.”
“Congratulations On That Ugly Kid!”
My friends and I have thought of a lot of Facebook buttons, but I bet there are more. Grab your coffee, or whisky, or whatever helps you think, and post your most needed Facebook button in the comment section.