On Saturday night, I took Zyrtec for my combination can’t sleep/can’t breathe due to allergies middle age syndrome. I usually take a Benedryl for this condition, but my husband takes Zyrtec so I decided to try that. I learned never to do that again. This stuff is over the counter allergy medicine, in case you are not familiar with Zyrtec. That’s right; I said “over the counter” not “on the corner,” as it should be. It is not even behind the counter, and I didn’t have to show an ID or sign over my first born like I do when I buy Sudafed. Having done exactly zero hard-core illegal drugs, I now know with great authority that Zyrtec is not just an allergy medicine; it is really heroin and LSD.
First of all, if you don’t have a spare 14 hours or so to sleep, don’t take Zyrtec. This shit will knock you out. I slept a solid 10 hours, woke up drooling, and then took a 3-hour nap after breakfast. I could not concentrate on anything Sunday morning other than eating breakfast and petting cats. Coffee was useless. Useless. I took to my couch and closed my eyes, slipping back into the acid trip Zyrtec sleep.
The dreams you have with Zyrtec are trippy. I’m pretty sure that the people who created Teletubbies were on a Zyrtec binge. I had so many strange naptime visions, even a dream within a dream. In that one, I was trying to wake up, but couldn’t because I was in a coma. The quilt I was under on my couch in real life became the doctor’s coat in my coma dream. After that, I dreamed there was a farm behind my house. A cow was on the roof of a barn and was jumping off. I thought to myself, in my sleep, “I guess that cow jumped over the moon thing is real. That cow didn’t even break a leg or anything.” Even after I woke, I wasn’t sure if there was really a jumping cow out back or not. I decided not to check.
I’m surprised teenagers aren’t selling Zyrtec in school. They can buy it with no ID or fanfare of any kind. I’m also surprised that drug dealers haven’t started making Crystal Zyrt, or something like that. I can imagine people on corners yelling, “Got that Z.” I bet a lot of people would buy it. I’m not trying to suggest that people START doing this. I’m just really shocked it isn’t already happening.
Have any of you had a similar experience with Zyrtec? What about other over the counter drugs? Let me hear your story. Leave me a comment.