Dear Neighborhood Overlords,
I just received your certified, return receipt requested letter regarding the color of my mailbox. I apologize that it is one shade too light. Maybe I should just set it on fire and start over with a new mailbox. I was going to paint it myself, but in your first warning letter, the one that was taped to my front door even though the bylaws prohibit the use of adhesives on doors, you stated that if I didn’t attend to my eyesore of a mailbox you would send a painter over and bill me for the work. This made me giddy. I waited by my door, with my checkbook in hand for that fabulous day when someone else would paint the godblessed box. He never showed up. I ate a bag of peanut butter cups to soothe my disappointment.