Resolutions I Can Actually Keep

Like a lot of you out there, I make resolutions every New Year’s Eve.  I usually don’t publish them, or talk about them, because I know myself and I know I will fail at each and every one of them.  This is because I have some mental block that makes me do more of whatever bad behavior I’m trying to quit.  So, if I swear that I am going on a low carb diet, I will start the day with no carbs and end it by eating a roll of raw cookie dough.  It’s really a good think I never got into drugs.

So, this year, I’m trying something different.  I’m publically announcing my resolutions.  I figure if I tell everyone of my intentions, you all can keep me on track. Also, I’m picking resolutions that are doable.  Here they are, in no particular order.


  • Drink less alcohol – except if I’m stressed out or if Donald Trump is president.
  • Use more positive language – Instead of saying, “I hate going outside” I will say, “I really, truly enjoy being inside where it is warm, dry, not windy, and doesn’t suck.”
  • Stop insulting myself – no more turning sideways when I look in the mirror and asking myself when I’m due. Instead I will ask myself how old the newborn that I obviously just had is.
  • Keep up my tireless anti-phone crusade – continue teaching people that emailing, texting and instant messaging are far more polite ways to communicate than actually calling someone and interrupting whatever they are doing with a loud screechy phone ring.
  • Spend less time on social media – only check FB once a week unless I’m in a waiting room, need to stalk someone, or have given up on ever doing anything productive.
  • Be a better dog mom – pet my dogs without telling them “mommy loves the kitties better.” In my defense, they don’t speak English.
  • Stop dieting – this usually means I eat nothing but protein and vegetables for breakfast and lunch and then down a pizza and Twinkies for dinner.

That’s it.  Those are my resolutions.  I’m confident that I can keep these because I BELIEVE I can.  I never thought I would lose twenty pounds last year or finish writing that novel I’ve been working on for four years anyway. What resolutions are you making this year? What resolutions have you failed to keep? Let me hear from you in the comment section.




4 thoughts on “Resolutions I Can Actually Keep

  1. I love these – so funny, yet practical too. I would love to give up sweets, but I never do. I gave up smoking and drinking years ago, so I have to have some enjoyment, otherwise what’s the point, right? And the always goal and constant mantra WRITE MORE!

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