Disclaimer: Though I was forced to memorize Bible verses in the Lutheran school I attended in Kindergarten and first grade, and though I sat through many Bible lessons in Baptist summer camp, I am in no way familiar with the Bible. I tried to read it as an adult, but became angry at the misogyny. I am not looking to learn about the Bible, and if you knock on my door with a pamphlet, or just to chat about Jehovah, I will sick my poop-eating dog on you. She kisses.
The whole Cosmosgate (Thanks to Megan S for this groovy term!) thing has me super irritated. Did you know that there are people out there who are offended by Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson’s new version of Cosmos? A station in Oklahoma even went so far as to “accidentally” cut the evolution part out of the premiere episode.
This irritates me to no end. I have friends who are Christians, and they have no issue with learning about science, too. Who are these people who are terrified of Cosmos? It seems like there are always people speaking for Jesus, and making up crazy things that he cares about. Even with my limited knowledge of all things Jesus, I’m pretty sure that he would probably be more concerned about famine, war, and the way we treat each other in general than the endless list of things people seem to care about on his behalf.
For example, Jesus probably does not care if you:
- Eat meat on Fridays. He’s got bigger fish to fry. Pun intended.
- watch Cosmos. If God really did create the universe, Jesus is totally cool with you learning about it.
- use the term “Mother Nature.” I witnessed someone criticize someone else on Facebook for asking Mother Nature to make the weather better. This person was angry because OBVIOUSLY “God makes the weather.” Don’t get me started.
- if you are gay. I think he does care if you are mean to gay people. He also cares if you sexually abuse children, which is a mostly heterosexual crime.
- drink alcohol. HE MADE WINE. He DOES care if you drive drunk. This could hurt someone, and that is a no no.
- kneel to pray. He just doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who would require this.
- get married if you are a priest. If he’s all about love, everyone should have the opportunity to find lasting love.
- what you do on Sundays. With all of the calendar changes throughout time, how do we even know if Sunday is Sunday? And so what if you are working to support yourself or a family. That’s a good thing.
- wear a cross around your neck. Think about it. He DIED on the cross. Crucifixion was the go to execution method back then. This is kind of like wearing an electric chair around your neck.
- say his name in vain. Personally, I would be thrilled if someone hollered out my name whenever they hurt themselves or had an emotional moment. Feel free to do this if you want. You can drop the R to make things easier.
My step-dad, who was raised Catholic and became an atheist, used to say, “Jesus was a hippie.” I think he’s right. From what I gather from my religious friends, Jesus was all about helping people and maybe having a glass of wine or two. He did after all make the stuff.