Mama and the Manchild: Forrest Gump Trump Edition
Son: I love me some cheese curls. [Sitting at the table with a sandwich and a little bag of Aldi’s Cheetos knockoff.]
Me: You should bring some of those fake Cheetos to your training class tonight. [The boy works at the library and they are changing computers systems. He has to attend two four hour training courses.] You could get orange dust on the keyboard and people will think Trump was there.
Me: You could trick a kid like that on Christmas. Instead of putting fake reindeer footprints you could put Cheeto dust footprints and tell the kid that President Trump is the new Santa.
Son: Yeah, and there would just be a piece of chocolate cake under the tree.
Me: A BEAUTIFUL chocolate cake. [Attempting a Trump impression. Alec Baldwin’s SNL gig is safe.]
Son: [Takes over and does perfect Trump impression with hand gestures] It would be a BEAUTIFUL piece of chocolate cake. [switches back to his regular voice] And it would have one bite out of it because Trump feels the same about chocolate cake as Forrest Gump feels about chocolate. [Does perfect Gump voice] I ate some.
Me: What, like Forrest Trump or something, or Gump Trump?
Son: YES! That would be perfect. Can you just see Donald Trump sitting on a bench with his suitcase talking to some woman saying, “And then my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars and I bought a shrimping yacht.” [The boy somehow manages to combine Gump’s and Trump’s voices and mannerisms.
Hey, Lorne Michaels, are you reading this? You need to give the boy a job!