Gump Trump

Mama and the Manchild: Forrest Gump Trump Edition

Son: I love me some cheese curls. [Sitting at the table with a sandwich and a little bag of Aldi’s Cheetos knockoff.]

Me: You should bring some of those fake Cheetos to your training class tonight.  [The boy works at the library and they are changing computers systems.  He has to attend two four hour training courses.]  You could get orange dust on the keyboard and people will think Trump was there.

Son: [chuckles]

Me: You could trick a kid like that on Christmas.  Instead of putting fake reindeer footprints you could put Cheeto dust footprints and tell the kid that President Trump is the new Santa.

Son: Yeah, and there would just be a piece of chocolate cake under the tree.

Me: A BEAUTIFUL chocolate cake. [Attempting a Trump impression.  Alec Baldwin’s SNL gig is safe.]

Son:  [Takes over and does perfect Trump impression with hand gestures]  It would be a BEAUTIFUL piece of chocolate cake. [switches back to his regular voice] And it would have one bite out of it because Trump feels the same about chocolate cake as Forrest Gump feels about chocolate.  [Does perfect Gump voice] I ate some.

Me: What, like Forrest Trump or something, or Gump Trump?

Son: YES! That would be perfect.  Can you just see Donald Trump sitting on a bench with his suitcase talking to some woman saying, “And then my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars and I bought a shrimping yacht.”  [The boy somehow manages to combine Gump’s and Trump’s voices and mannerisms.


Hey, Lorne Michaels, are you reading this? You need to give the boy a job!

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