Mama and the Man Child: The Rock is Jesus Edition 

Son: [sitting at the table with his egg sandwich]  Mom, I know we are boycotting the Today Show because you hate Kathie Lee, but I need to see Megyn.

Me: You know that you are the only person under 42 who likes her, right?

Son: Yeah, I know.

Me:  OK, well it’s only 8:45 now.  Kathie Lee doesn’t come on until 10, so it should be safe.  [I change the channel to NBC.]

Savannah Guthrie: [On TV – she doesn’t live with us.]  Now, we are going to talk to our own Kathie Lee Gifford about her new book on faith – The Rock, the Road, and the Rabbi.

Me: Oh, fuck my life.  I can’t get away from her.

Son: [laughing]

Kathie Lee:  [On TV – I would NEVER invite her to breakfast.]  Blah, blah, blah. Trip to Israel.  Blah, blah, blah.  My faith.  Blah, blah.  The rock is Jesus.

Me: What did she just say?

Son: She said The Rock is Jesus.

Me: Did you just picture a metal band with Jesus as the singer?

Son:  No. No, mom.  I just pictured Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a Jesus robe and sandals.

Me: YES!! He would make a great Jesus.

Son: [gets up from the chair and begins mimicking Rock Jesus]  I’m here for you, my child.  [Gets louder]  Now, it’s time for a pec pump!  [grabs his chest and makes his pecs go up and down.]

Me: [laughing and choking on coffee and then attempting a Rock voice]  You can crucify me but you will never take my strong 8-pack abs!

Son: We’re going to hell.

Me: Totally, and all of the fun people will be there.

 

 

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