Mama and the Manchild: The Vibrator Conversation

The boy, the husband, and I are having breakfast.  The boy massages his shoulder and upper back.

Me: Does your back hurt?

Boy:  A little.

Me: Did you hurt yourself at work or something? (He works at the library so this is not likely.)

Boy: No.  It’s fine.  I think I just slept wrong.

Me: Do you want to use my vibrator?

Boy: MOM!

Me: I don’t mean that! I don’t even have one of those.  It’s a back massager!

Boy: MMMHMMM.

Husband: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.

Me: But you bought it for me!

Boy: OK. I definitely don’t want to hear any more.

Me: It’s for those knots I get in my back.  It’s HUGE!

Boy: OK, mom.

Husband: You’re not making it any better.

Me: Come on! You know what I’m talking about.  It has these big balls on it.

Boy: MOM!!

Me: Massaging balls!! It heats up, too.

Husband: That sounds painful.

Me: I give up.

Later, the boy’s girlfriend comes over after work.

GF: I moved a lot of stuff at work today.  My back hurts.

Me: You wanna use my vibrator?

Boy: Mom, just don’t start.

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