The boy, the husband, and I are having breakfast. The boy massages his shoulder and upper back.
Me: Does your back hurt?
Boy: A little.
Me: Did you hurt yourself at work or something? (He works at the library so this is not likely.)
Boy: No. It’s fine. I think I just slept wrong.
Me: Do you want to use my vibrator?
Boy: MOM!
Me: I don’t mean that! I don’t even have one of those. It’s a back massager!
Boy: MMMHMMM.
Husband: This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
Me: But you bought it for me!
Boy: OK. I definitely don’t want to hear any more.
Me: It’s for those knots I get in my back. It’s HUGE!
Boy: OK, mom.
Husband: You’re not making it any better.
Me: Come on! You know what I’m talking about. It has these big balls on it.
Boy: MOM!!
Me: Massaging balls!! It heats up, too.
Husband: That sounds painful.
Me: I give up.
Later, the boy’s girlfriend comes over after work.
GF: I moved a lot of stuff at work today. My back hurts.
Me: You wanna use my vibrator?
Boy: Mom, just don’t start.