Tag Archives: eating

Raw Hot Dogs and Dough

In the Duplex on Taylor
In the Duplex on Taylor

Back in the late 70’s, I was a latch key kid who had a list of chores and a healthy fear of her fierce single mom.  I was given strict orders to do my chores and homework (they didn’t kill elementary kids with homework in the 70’s), and stay in the apartment and not answer the door, which was easy for a young hermit.  At the time, we lived in a duplex on Taylor Street in Hollywood, FL.  Since I was not supposed to go outside or have friends over, I did a half-assed job on my chores and then turned on the TV.   This was before cable. So, I had to find a station with cartoons, and then move the antenna around on the TV until the static cleared enough for me to see Hercules or Deputy Dog.  Young people: antennas were skinny metal rods that used to be on top of TV’s – the fat, heavy TV’s – never mind.

At some point, usually during a Publix commercial, I made a snack.  I didn’t reach for fruit, even though we usually had apples and bananas on hand – not bad for a single parent household, eh statistic people?   Nope.  I would eat things that are gross to me now.  Once, I grabbed a cold hot dog out of the fridge and sat on the floor in front of the TV, just munching away.  Most of the time, I ate a serving bowl full of some sort of Captain Crunch type cereal.  A bowl is a serving, right?

Drugs!
Drugs!

Once I got into middle school, AKA the most miserable time in my life, my snacking got weirder.  One afternoon, after learning about protein, or “muscle meat” as my sixth-grade health teacher called it, I grabbed a leftover cooked chicken breast and ate it cold, with my hands, over the sink.  It was like I was in a zombie trance.  Must eat muscle meat.  That same year, I tried to make cornmeal mush afterschool.  No, I’m not sure why. Since we didn’t have Google or live in the Deep South, I just dumped corn meal, flour, salt, and milk in a frying pan with melted butter.  Boy, was that a nasty snack.  I ate it right over the frying pan; it was salty and carby.  I started eating cookie dough about that time, too, sometimes homemade, but mostly the Pillsbury kind in the roll.  I still do this and it scares my husband.  He’s worried about raw eggs, or something.  Carbs are like drugs to me.

My downfall is pasta.  It’s a gateway drug for me, or a trigger food, or whatever the cool kids call it.  It makes me eat like a killer whale. Once I start eating pasta, especially with pesto, it’s like I can’t even see.  I think this is called disassociating, but I didn’t end up majoring in psychology.  Carb-induced disassociating is probably the cause of many restaurant and grocery store thefts.  People eventually run out of pasta, so they must go out and steal more.  It’s only logical.

MMMMM
MMMMM

I wish I could say that all of this is behind me, but it’s not, not totally. I have found that if I eat mostly low carb things, I do better.  Every so often, I have a weird craving.  Today, it was salt.  It started out innocently enough; I was having an apple with peanut butter, and I sprinkled a little salt on the apple.  Then, when the apple was gone, I wanted more salt.  So, I just ate like a quarter of a teaspoon of pure table salt.  I’m glad there are no cameras in my house to witness things like this.  Actually, I could probably make a lot of money if I had my own reality show.  TLC, are you reading?

Note: I was inspired to write about my own dance with food by this great article by an old school friend.  

Lucky for Amy,  she never witnessed my strange eating.

Stop Eating Sand!

I’ve been pseudo gluten-free for a few years now.  By pseudo gluten-free, I mean that I sometimes just go ahead and eat gluten-containing foods, like REAL cookies, and just suffer from the inevitable stabbing stomach pain that will remind me why I shouldn’t eat gluten.  Yes, I know that it is crazy.  I don’t eat gluten because I like pain. I eat it because it’s really hard to find good gluten-free cookies that didn’t taste like sand. (As a Florida native, I tasted a lot of sand as a child at the beach.)  At least, it USED to be hard.

I have finally figured out how to make gluten-free cookies that do not remind me of crunching a bit of Hollywood Beach

Yummy, non-sandy, zebra cookies
Yummy, non-sandy, zebra cookies

between my teeth.  My cousin, Mary, brought me some super gluten-free flour when she visited us from Chicago last weekend. Since she packed four Ziploc Baggies full of it in her suitcase, we were surprised she didn’t get accused of trafficking cocaine.  Everyone knows that all drug dealers package their products in Ziploc bags.  Airport security did not even take a second look. Now that we know how easy would be to traffic cocaine and make it look like flour, we know how we will make our millions. Just kidding, TSA.

The best GF flour I have ever used.
The best GF flour I have ever used.

Mary, who is really my husband’s cousin, but I have stolen her, is co-owner of a wholesale food brokerage, http://www.qualityfoodbrokers.org/.  She didn’t just randomly bring me flour.  I told Mary of my struggles with sand cookies.  So, she wanted me to try Smart Flour and give her my honest opinion.  Since, I wanted to include pretty pictures with my opinions, I’ve decided to write a product review blog. No Missy, I’m not moving in on your territory. You are the Queen of all things product review, as witnessed by this award-winning blog, http://iheartconsumers.com/.  I will continue to write random blogs about whatever I feel like writing about from this point on.

So, yesterday, I decided to make what I call “zebra cookies.” I followed the recipe on the back of Nestlé’s white chocolate chips (White Chip Island Cookies), sort of. I substituted Smart Flour http://www.smartflourfoods.com/ for regular wheat flour, adding a small bit of xanthan gum as the folks at Smart Flour recommend.  I left out the macadamia nuts because quite honestly I hate macadamia nuts.  I also left out the coconut because no one in my house is a fan of coconut.  Instead, I put in Ghiradelli dark chocolate chips.  Voila – zebra cookies.

My son did not want me to take a picture of him actually licking the beater.
My son did not want me to take a picture of him actually licking the beater.

They were awesome.  Don’t just take my word for it.  My husband and sixteen year-old son loved them, too.  My son ate the dough off of the beater, and claimed that it tasted just like normal cookie dough. Yes, I let my child eat raw cookie dough; I eat it too. My husband thinks we are both nuts. I’m not going to tell you that we’ve never been sick from it because if I did I would instantly be jinxed and get sick. I know how the universe works.

Everyone loved the finished cookies, including my son’s friend.  He said they tasted good but were a bit crunchy.  I think I can change this by lowering the oven temperature and baking time.  My husband, son, and his friend agreed with me that there was a total lack of sand in these cookies.  Any time I have tried to make gluten-free cookies in the past, including when I used a very popular mix, cough cough Betty Crocker, they have tasted like sand.

Watch out, IHOP!
Watch out, IHOP!

Since the cookies were awesome, I used the Smart Flour pancake mix this morning.  The pancakes were fluffy and delicious.  They rivaled anything at IHOP. So, if you are looking for good gluten free flour and mixes, you may want to give Smart Flour a try, unless, of course, you like to eat sand. Then, there may be a show on TLC that could showcase your talents.