Tag Archives: Go Fund Me

Go F Off, Go Fund Me.

My head is going to explode if I see ONE MORE Go Fund Me request on the interwebs. There are approximately 8,435,927 requests for cash daily. Seriously. It’s getting super annoying. EVERYONE has a Go Fund Me for something. Some Go Fund Me requests are legit. Unexpected and tragic expenses warrant a Go Fund Me. Most other things do not. For most of them, I want to say, “Go F yourself!” Here are just a few examples of Go Fund Me posts I have seen on Facebook, along with my silent in my head only responses. I DO filter myself sometimes.

 

My loved one died suddenly and I need help with expenses.

Yes. Unexpected death can bring unexpected expenses. It happened in our family when my little brother died at age 35. My step mother was not prepared for this emotionally or financially. So, someone started a Go Fund Me for her.

 

My loved one died and I want to buy a brick, statue, etc with his or her name on it.

No. What the hell kind of nonsense is this? What is a piece of cement going to do for anyone?

 

My loved one died and I want to donate to a foundation that helps to prevent deaths like this.

Yes. This is actually useful. It could help other families avoid the tragedy you experienced.

 

I want to be a model and need to pay $3, 457 to have professional pictures taken.

Nope. Have your boyfriend take pictures and use Photoshop or iPhoto to edit them. Send them to agents. In other words, do the work yourself.

 

My kid is going to New York City on a field trip and I need $2,459.62 to send her.

Nope. I didn’t get my jollies the night your child was conceived, so I’m not obligated to pay for your kid’s field trips, or anything else. The kids should have a car wash or sell cupcakes to raise money like we did back in the day.

 

My kid is raising money to help other kids with cancer.

Yes. Absolutely. And give your kid a hug from me. Also, you are an amazing parent.

 

I’m writing a book and I want to publish and promote it. Can you help me with some cash? 

Nope. I’m writing a book, too. I would love for other people to fund my creative endeavors. I dream of spending my days writing and napping like Stephen King. You know what I do instead? I work a full time job and a part time job so that my family can eat and stuff. Buck up, drink some coffee, and write in the early morning like I always plan to do but never actually do.

 

I have a cyst in my brain and I need an expensive operation that my insurance won’t cover, or I don’t have insurance.

Yes. This is happening to a friend of mine right now. I will gladly donate to his fund.

 

I’m a musician and I need money to record an album.

Nope. You know how you could get money to record an album? Get a fucking job. It’s what my son and his band mates did.

 

I have cancer and I can’t work. I need help with my medical expenses and my bills.

Yes. No one chooses to have cancer, even if they smoke like a locomotive. Working while that ill can be impossible.

 

My daughter is raising money to donate to our local animal shelter.

Yes. So many animals are homeless because douchenozzles out there insist on buying animals from breeders or breeding their own animals. Stop being a dumbass and get pets spayed and neutered, and adopt from shelters instead of breeders. We don’t need to breed more pets.

Ugh. I am very passionate about animals, as you can tell.

I think you get the point. I’m not going to fund anyone’s creative dreams or useless piece of concrete. I’m not going to help someone else’s kid go on a trip.  I have my own kid that I take care of. I would help a sick friend in need or a foundation that helps people and animals.

 

What about you? Have you contributed to a Go Fund Me? What made you want to contribute? Have you seen any RIDICULOUS Go Fund Mes?

Let me hear from you in the comments section.