Tag Archives: John Cusack

Me and John Cusack

For some reason, whatever great spirit there is, be it the universe, or the Great Pumpkin, or whatever you want to believe in, has decided that I must forever be one degree of separation from John Cusack, who I have admired since seeing him in Class a million years ago.  I’m talking about the movie Class, not an actual class.  I was not lucky enough to go to school with John Cusack.  I have never met him, but I know people who have, and it makes me so jealous.

I have a friend, and former co-worker (I’m talking about YOU, C!), who lived next door to him on Malibu Beach.  One time, while John was walking on the beach, she was out with her dog and, brace yourselves, JOHN CUSACK PET MY FRIEND’S DOG AND SAID HE WAS CUTE.  OMG. I’m so jealous.  If that had been my dog I would have preserved that spot of his fur with shellac or Press ‘N Seal.  I would have never bathed the dog again.  (Animal Rights People, I’m totally kidding about the shellac.) My friend moved to another state before I could fly my hermit behind out there, coat my pasty Irish skin in sunscreen, and sit on the beach with her dog for as long as it took to meet JC.  How could she have done that to me?  UGH!!

YA Fiction
I will work for reviews.

Now, I’m in this book review Facebook group with other authors. Basically, we read and review each other’s books on Amazon because you need reviews in order to sell more books, but you need to sell books to get reviews.  It’s one of those vicious cycles.  I just found out today that one of the people in the group is John Cusack’s cousin.  For real! I’m about to jump out of my skin with envy.

I have always admired John’s acting, and I love his posts on Twitter.  He keeps it real, and if you read my blog, you know I admire that in a person. While I was writing my YA novel, Misfit Academy, I pictured John as the father in the movie version.  Yes, I was fantasizing about a movie version the entire time I was writing the book.  I pictured taking my son and his friends, who helped me with the revision process, with me to the big premier.  I even got all teary-eyed at how wonderful it would be.  I mentally designed the huge, no-kill cat shelter I would build with the millions I would no doubt make from my Oscar-winning film.  I would call it the Pussy Ranch (the cat shelter, not the movie), which would make it a top search result on Google. I have such big plans.

John, are you reading this?  Will you please be the dad in my Misfit Academy movie? I just want you to produce and star in a movie of my book.  I’m sure like a million other people have never asked you this, right? If you don’t like Misfit Academy, I am in the process of writing something a little more unique.  It’s called the Lizard King Club.

Don’t worry, John. I’m married, and I love my husband. I’m not some crazy stalker chick. I am, however, a crazy cat lady (that explains the Pussy Ranch). So, if you’re allergic to cats, I guess I could be dangerous because I’m usually covered in fur. Even if you are allergic, it’s OK. I carry an Epipen and Benedryl in my purse at all times. I’m also equipped to handle a number of other ailments, like GAS. I’m including a picture as proof.

https://www.facebook.com/KelleysBreakRoom
See, I’m totally safe and I am prepared for all emergencies.
https://www.facebook.com/KelleysBreakRoom

OK, I’m starting to sound crazy, even to myself, and that is saying something.  Obviously, John Cusack is not reading my blog.  He probably has better things to do, like stroll the beach and pet other people’s dogs, and star in movies and stuff.  But, if you do know John, and odds are you do if you know me, show him this blog.  We’ll put you down as a producer on the Misfit Academy or The Lizard King Club movie, whichever is made first.  Pinky swear.

A Smarter, Better Forrest Gump

The ButlerSome people are addicted to alcohol, or crack, or Cheetos, or Twinkies, or bad relationships, or, according to some weird show I watched, eating toilet paper.  Not me.  My big, dark, scary addiction is biopics.  Ok, so I would eat my own weight in Twinkies if I found a palatable gluten free version, but Twinkies truly aren’t my number one addiction.  Seriously, if a movie is advertised as “based on a true story,” I will immediately run out and apply for a loan so I can afford to go to the theater AND have popcorn. As we all know, it costs approximately $35,000.52 to see a movie, and get popcorn and a soda.

So, if you know me at all, you know that Forrest Gump has been my favorite movie since 1994. It is a love I have passed down to my son.  He and I frequently run lines from the movie together.  We take turns being Forrest or Lt. DanForrest Gump is a movie that needs a lot of analysis to fully “get.”  If you think it is just a dumb movie about a Southern idiot, you don’t “get” it.  If you think the feather floating around is just a feather, you really don’t “get” it.  Sometimes, I think only English majors and their offspring truly understand the symbolism of this film. Well, I imagine that the history buffs probably like it, too.  Even though Forrest Gump is not “based on a true story” it has a lot of actual historical events throughout the film.  The same could be said for The Butler. Here is a little article that talks about the differences between the movie and “reality.”  It even mentions the Forrest Gump connection.  So, I guess I’m not alone in this theory. The Butler

The Butler is one of those movies that makes me feel like I have done absolutely nothing with my life. I find that to be motivating rather than depressing. I have two college degrees, and I work from home, I take care of 5 pets, a teen son, and a husband, but what do I do besides stare at screens, clean, and shove food in my face? No, gym people, I’m not saying I need to cut out carbs and run a marathon.   I’m saying I think we all need to do something for people. The funny thing is that the character in The Butler, Louis, who does the most for other people is not a real person.  See the link at the end of the paragraph above, if you haven’t already.

The bottom line is if you haven’t seen The Butler, you should.  It’s not entirely a real story, but it’s a good story, just like Forrest Gump, but with a more intelligent main character.  The Butler focuses a lot on the history of race relations in this country, and by history of race relations I am talking about the fact that people have been treated like dirt simply because they have a darker complexion.  That is one of the best reasons to watch the movie, other than to see the amazing make-up work done to age Forrest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey, the butler and his wife, roughly 50 years during the course of the film, or to see John Cusack as Nixon.  The film discusses racial hatred, but it also focuses on love, and the fact that love does win.  Always.