Tag Archives: Murica

Christmas Nazis and Thanksgiving Purists

Your average Christmas Nazi
Your average Christmas Nazi

It’s that time of year when the Christmas Nazis and the Thanksgiving Purists have a pissing contest with the rest of the world. Don’t pretend you don’t know them. They’re not opposing gangs in a Kirk Cameron film about how the liberal media grinds up Christmas trees to make Satanic Bibles. No, they are far more irritating than Kirk. You probably know a few Christmas Nazis or Thanksgiving Purists. They may be your friends or family. You might even be such a person. Hell, you could even fit into both groups.

Despite these scary folks, and the fact that I need to bundle up in 19 layers of wool just to get the mail (and that’s just email), I still love this time of year. I hate the weather with a white hot sparkly passion, though. As a native Floridian who is trapped in the Midwest, I shiver from October through May. Still, even with the ice, snow, and endless clouds, I still love the holidays.

Christmas Nazi Propaganda
Christmas Nazi Propaganda

 

The fact that I refer to them as “the holidays” might irritate some people, and those people are Christmas Nazis. They believe that current liberal politics and evil atheists are responsible for “Happy Holidays.” Really, Bing Crosby is more responsible for this all inclusive greeting than President Obama.  Christmas Nazis say things like, “This is MURICA!  We can’t say Happy Holidays because we are a Christian country!” They think they are defending Christmas, or keeping it pure, or some other such bullshit. In reality, they are simply showing that they don’t know how to read a calendar.

I love ALL of the holidays.
I love ALL of the holidays.

Most of us understand that Christmas is not the only holiday within the four-week period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day.  There’s also Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Saturnalia. Those are just the holidays that are typically celebrated in the U.S. So, saying, “Happy Holidays” is not about excluding Christians, it’s about including everyone. Also, for me, it’s about talking less. As a work from home introvert, I’d rather just cover everything with two words than list all of the holidays with their appropriate happy or merry. I’m pretty sure Santa, Jesus, and Saturn would approve of simply being nice to everyone.

Truth: I watched this movie way before Thanksgiving.
Truth: I watched this movie way before Thanksgiving.

Some Christmas Nazis are also Thanksgiving Purists. You know, the people who get their panties in a bunch when Christmas items are displayed before the appropriate day. They might as well say, “Thou mustn’t put up thine Christmas tree before Thanksgiving.” Some Thanksgiving Purists get quite enraged about seeing Christmas decorations before turkey day. They post about this major crime on social media sites, some people blog about it, and others talk about it on TV. Some of them actually tell others when they are allowed to put up Christmas trees, lights, and other holiday decorations. It’s like they have some sort of Asshole’s Guide to the Holidays book, along with a color-coded calendar that they refer to. I would like to send people who are upset by seeing Christmas decorations in November on an all expense paid trip to a cave in the Middle East. This way they can get away from the offensive early Christmas decorations and learn about real problems.

Let me hear from you in the comment section. Are you a Christmas Nazi or a Thanksgiving Purist, or are you just someone who enjoys pretty lights and a decorated indoor tree when it’s cold and gray outside?

The Idiocracy Age

Yep. Seems legit.
Yep. Seems legit.

Some people call this the Information Age because with all of the technology we have, we are supposed to be more informed than ever. You would think that all of this information would make us smarter. You would be wrong. In my ever so humble opinion, we have entered the age of Idiocracy.

If you haven’t seen the movie Idiocracy, please do. To be honest, it is one of the stupidest movies that I have ever seen, even worse than Step Brothers. Yes, there are stupid movies out there that do not star Will Farrell. All stupidity aside, Idiocracy paints a frightening picture of what we as a human race could become if we allow stupidity to be acceptable.

The more I read the paper, watch the news, talk to people, or just observe people, the more symptoms of Idiocracy I notice. Here are just the few that are annoying the piss out of me today.

There are web sites dedicated to showing people dressed as hot messes, usually in pajamas. First of all, don’t take pictures of strangers. That is rude and mean. Second of all, I think it is truly sad, and highly irritating, that people can’t seem to get dressed. Ladies, leggings are not pants. For real? Is this how lazy ‘Murica is now? It doesn’t take much to put on “daytime” clothes, or at least pants that don’t reveal your biological gender.

Football players and other athletes, make WAY more than teachers and fire fighters. Have you ever watched a sports interview? I did once, and that was enough. The sports “hero’s” answer to how he won the game was something along the lines of, “I ketch the ball, and I run and stuff.” Holy hell. This guy probably earns as much as the Kardashians.

The Kardashians are “celebrities.” This keeps me awake at night. I thought it was bad when Paris Hilton had a TV show, but I think even she is more “talented” than the Kardashians. Seriously, they are called celebrities. I feel sorry for Bruce Jenner.

Where have all of the grammar lessons gone? Please sing this to the tune of “Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?” I have had to block several “friends” on Facebook because I don’t know what the heck they are saying. They spell like Prince trying to write a song, and they don’t use punctuation. I see things like this, “Im goin 2 tha stor to by sum new jama pants i think wallmart has them does anyone want 2 go with me” HUH? Get a first grade grammar book, please, and a box of crayons.

Everyone blames the President for everything. I hear people talk about President Obama like he is a dictator. They blame him for certain bills being passed, etc. My favorite is when I hear that he has ruined the country, blah, blah, blah. I wonder if these people made it out of middle school. Because I don’t know about you, but I had a little class called Civics in eighth grade. In this amazing class, I RELEARNED that our government has three branches, and there’s this whole checks and balances system. Amazing. I say relearned because I first learned this in elementary school. The president does not have the power to make drastic changes to our country. I didn’t really like President W. Bush, but I never blamed him for the recession. I blame the fact that corporate greed has led to outsourcing. If you want America to be a wealthy nation, which is still is, keep the jobs and money, um, in America. Just a guess on my part.

That’s all I have for you today. It’s just common sense to me, but it seems like common sense is on its way out. Maybe all of the soda that people are drinking is eating away their brains. Maybe they are spending too much time watching “reality” TV. Maybe the Russians, or the Arabs, or whoever we are currently blaming for the state of our great nation, poured stupidity powder in our water supply.