Tag Archives: Resolutions

Resolutions I Can Actually Keep

Like a lot of you out there, I make resolutions every New Year’s Eve.  I usually don’t publish them, or talk about them, because I know myself and I know I will fail at each and every one of them.  This is because I have some mental block that makes me do more of whatever bad behavior I’m trying to quit.  So, if I swear that I am going on a low carb diet, I will start the day with no carbs and end it by eating a roll of raw cookie dough.  It’s really a good think I never got into drugs.

So, this year, I’m trying something different.  I’m publically announcing my resolutions.  I figure if I tell everyone of my intentions, you all can keep me on track. Also, I’m picking resolutions that are doable.  Here they are, in no particular order.

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  • Drink less alcohol – except if I’m stressed out or if Donald Trump is president.
  • Use more positive language – Instead of saying, “I hate going outside” I will say, “I really, truly enjoy being inside where it is warm, dry, not windy, and doesn’t suck.”
  • Stop insulting myself – no more turning sideways when I look in the mirror and asking myself when I’m due. Instead I will ask myself how old the newborn that I obviously just had is.
  • Keep up my tireless anti-phone crusade – continue teaching people that emailing, texting and instant messaging are far more polite ways to communicate than actually calling someone and interrupting whatever they are doing with a loud screechy phone ring.
  • Spend less time on social media – only check FB once a week unless I’m in a waiting room, need to stalk someone, or have given up on ever doing anything productive.
  • Be a better dog mom – pet my dogs without telling them “mommy loves the kitties better.” In my defense, they don’t speak English.
  • Stop dieting – this usually means I eat nothing but protein and vegetables for breakfast and lunch and then down a pizza and Twinkies for dinner.

That’s it.  Those are my resolutions.  I’m confident that I can keep these because I BELIEVE I can.  I never thought I would lose twenty pounds last year or finish writing that novel I’ve been working on for four years anyway. What resolutions are you making this year? What resolutions have you failed to keep? Let me hear from you in the comment section.

 

 

 

Promises from the Petty Pets

Hi Light Square People!!

Great Dane Black Lab
It’s me, Sophie.

It’s Sophie. Mama is kind of sick and taking a nap, so I was able to grab the light square and tell you guys what’s been going on. I haven’t been allowed to write in a super long time. So, there’s kind of a lot to say. Plus, my sisters and brother want to tell you what their New Year’s resolutions are. Resolutions are like promises you make to yourself in January, and then you just totally break all your promises in like February or something. Anyway, before I do any of that I gotta tell you why I only have one furry brother now instead of two.

This is not easy to say, but Morris crossed the rainbow bridge a few days before eat a bunch of turkey and pie day. He seemed normal except for he was making some noises like he had a bad tummy ache. I was kind of keeping my eye on him, and I helped Mama find him in the laundry room when she was trying to figure out where the noises were coming from. Mama took him to the doctor, and he kept Morris in the hospital for two days. The doctor did like all kinds of pokey and camera tests on Morris and then figured out he had cancer EVERYWHERE. He even had cancer in his heart and it was prolly what was making him make that noise and be kind of lazy and stuff. So, Mama and Daddy decided to help Morris cross the rainbow bridge so he wouldn’t have that ouchy heart and tummy anymore. The doctor gave Morris a shot and he was gone. I miss my nice kitty brother but I’m glad he’s not hurting anymore.

This is Morris, a little before he crossed the rainbow bridge.
This is Morris, a little before he crossed the rainbow bridge. He was nice.

So, that’s why only my two sisters and my one brother, Mean Kitty Andre, are going to write their resolutions. Morris’ resolution is prolly just to sleep on a cloud and eat lots of food. That’s what mine would be if I lived over the rainbow bridge.

But I’m still here in my house, so here are my resolutions.

  • I will eat less poop.
  • Actually, I will just eat food because other stuff could kill me.
  • I will be calmer to the kitties. They don’t like to play with me.
  • I won’t sniff Boo Boo’s butt because she runs away when I do that.

 

Lola

Maltese
Lola, at attention.

As you know, I am a trained agent who was assigned to protect this family. Currently, I do not have adequate backup. The fluffy cat, Andre, is a fierce fighter, but he is just out for himself. Unfortunately, it is necessary that I use big and stupid, I mean Sophie, as my second in command. So, my only resolution is that I will train Sophie to be proper backup so I can secure this home.

 

Boo Boo

seductive cat
Cheese makes me happy.
  • I will travel to the store and purchase my own Boar’s Head white American cheese since mother cannot be troubled to buy it.
  • I will also stop running from the horse dog so she will stop chasing me.
  • I will try to poop only in the litter box unless my bowels won’t cooperate.

 

Andre

I'm watching the dog.
I’m watching the dog.
  • I will kill the big stupid dog. Um, I mean. No. I’m not a murderer.
  • I will insist that mother feed me tuna every day. I do let her use my pictures all over her computer without paying me.
  • I will take more naps in sunny spots on the carpet.
  • I will find and keep my own home.

 

Sophie here, again. Wow. I think Andre was talking about me, except I’m not stupid. I am big and I am a dog, though. Anyway, those are our resolutions. So, what are yours? Leave us a comment and tell us what promises you made to yourself for the New Year, and if you are keeping them.