Tag Archives: sarcasm

#XmasJammies — Ten Years Later

#xmasjammies
#xmasjammies

Like most introverts, I spend a lot of time thinking, and sometimes, I come up with some weird stuff.  This morning, after breakfast, I made my husband and son watch this viral Christmas Jammie video. If you haven’t seen it yet, you probably don’t have the Internet, or cable, or eyes, because EVERYONE, like MILLIONS of people, has watched this video.  Go ahead. Click on the link if you haven’t seen it.  You will need to know the tune for what comes next.

So, after we watched the #XmasJammie video, I started to wonder what will happen to the #XmasJammie video Holderness family after the stress from all of this Internet fame gets to them.  I told my husband what crazy dysfunctional Christmas Jammie images I had going through my head, and since he is the perfect husband for me, he started to help me come up with more material.  So, friends, I bring you the lyrics to Christmas Jammies 2023.  Please note that Penn (Dad) is doing all of the “singing.”

Here I am, what a sight to see, dancing around in my jammies.

You saw me in stripes, in 2013, well things have really changed, you see.

Penn Charles fathered three babies, all at the age of thirteen.  In his Christmas Jammies, well maybe not IN Christmas Jammies.

Now he has to pay child support, or he will end up in court, where you can’t wear Christmas Jammies.  Now, he buys his baby mamas’ Christmas Jammies.

Since we told her she could sing, Lola was rejected on American Idol by Randy.

Lola got rid of the rainbows, and lives like a sloth. She wears all black and became Goth.  No more Christmas Jammies. Lola cut her Christmas jammies.
Mom gave birth to baby three even though I had a vasectomy. Now she lives with Robert Downey.  They wear silky Jammies, Hollywood style Christmas Jammies.

After a while, Mom’s Botox wore off; she gained a few and she isn’t so hot.  She’s got Christmas jammies, much bigger Christmas jammies.

Working with my wife, and her thing for Robert Downey, ruined our matrimony.  Now, I have a divorce decree, and nicer Christmas jammies, not those goofy Christmas jammies.

My apologies to the Holderness family for that bit of craziness.

Thank you for inspiring my husband and I to have a few good laughs today. 

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Vote for me! Just do it!

OK, so I watched the debate last night. I have to be honest; it was painful.  Everyone was interrupting, which irritates me, and poor old Jim just could not keep order.  So, after months of seeing headache-inducing commercials, receiving propaganda in the mail, and reading all of the ever so helpful Facebook snark, I have decided who I am voting for in November.  Me.

 Yes, I’m going to vote for myself.  I would officially run for president but I’m a little short on cash at the moment, like millions short.  Plus, I’m pretty sure that it is too late to officially campaign.  So, I think everyone who is reading this should just write me in on Election Day.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Excuse me, short, sarcastic woman, why should we vote for you?”  Well, I’m glad you asked.  Vote for me because I will do an awesome job, and here’s how.

 I’m bringing funny back. Yeah! There will be laughter in the White House.  Seriously, we are too serious here in ‘Merica.  Laughter is the best medicine, or so they say (WHO is they?), so let’s have more of it.   Every press conference would turn into an evening of comedy.  Journalists would be required to tell a joke before asking me any questions.  I figure this way people won’t mind having all of their favorite shows disappear for an evening.

 Speaking of evenings, State dinners would get a heck of a lot less formal.  Yoga pants and fluffy slippers would be the expected dress code.  Anyone arriving in a gown or tuxedo would be required to change into something with an elastic waist.  Yoga pants may or may not have sequins, depending on the preference of the guest.  Cats would be invited to attend with or without their “owners.” Just kidding.  We all know that cats ARE the owners.

 Cats?!  Yes, there would be at least a hundred cats in the White House.  What? It’s big enough.  In turn, we would need to hire caretakers for the cats, which would create jobs.  Heck, we could turn the White House in to an official cat shelter and build a big cat house in the back yard.  Scratch that last part.

 We would not longer go to war  — unless you count the times when we would send Clinton, Stacy and the whole What Not to Wear crew to random foreign countries.   Yes, we would have them wear bullet proof vests just in case someone gets a little to upset at the 360 mirror.  Seriously though, who couldn’t use a makeover?  Am I right? Make fashion not war, people.

 So, since we would not be spending so much money on developing new ways to blow the bejesus out of other nations, we would have plenty of leftover cash.  This money would go to education and health care.  We would probably still have enough money after that to balance the budget.  I’m an English teacher, so I would need to get accountants involved with this, but I’m pretty sure it would be that easy. 

 So, this Election Day, please vote for me.  Clearly, I have things all figured out.