Tag Archives: Social Media

Lessons Learned from a Facebook Break

Recently, I took a ten-day break from Facebook.  It was supposed to be a month long break but I had to keep logging back in to use Goodreads, Uber, and the 97,000 other apps I have linked to Facebook. I needed a break because I was tired of the never-ending bad news in my feed about the government, murdered children, beaten pets, and random fires and floods.  I was also tired of rolling my eyes at the vague booking, diary posts, and pictures of meals.  So, even though my break did not last a month, I did learn a few things from the experience.

  1. I’m nosy.  One of the reasons I spent so much time on Facebook is because I am nosy. I love looking up old boyfriends and high school acquaintances to see whatever happened to them.  Guess what?  When I was off of Facebook, I Googled them instead.  I love Google stalking.  I think I could probably be happy being a detective but my son reminded me that detectives do more than Google people.
  2. I get a lot of work done when I actually focus. So, when I was not Google stalking, I did get more work done by not having Facebook as a break option. Instead of taking a few minutes between tasks to make sure that one woman was still crazy or that other person was still overly dramatic, I simply moved on to the next task on my list.
  3. I still procrastinate my writing when I am not on Facebook. Sometimes, I think maybe I just don’t like writing as much as I thought I did. According to a therapist I used to see this is because I have a “fear of failure” so I “self-sabotage.”  I tell myself there is no point in writing because it is so hard to get published.  I tell myself I’m not that good at writing anyway. I would say that is accurate.
  4. I read so much more. Rather than scrolling through and seeing what everyone had for dinner, I opened a book, either hardcopy or e-book, and I actually read.  I read memoirs in the hopes that this would inspire me to actually work on my own memoir.  I’ve got stories to tell, but I keep muting myself. I guess we covered this in number three.
  5. I rolled my eyes a lot less. The only time I rolled my eyes during my Facebook break was when I watched the news.  Facebook and the news remind me of how mean and unempathetic people have become.
  6. I’m just a more tolerant person when I don’t know about someone’s political views. I enjoyed talking to people in real life without seeing what meme they just posted.
  7. I didn’t miss much. You could log on to Facebook every five minutes or once a week.  You will see the same things.  There are cat pictures (yay), memes from both sides of the political aisle, news stories about shootings, bombings, and children being left in cars, and a plethora of awkward selfies.

So, I’m officially back on Facebook, but I am limiting my time.  I have taken the app off of my phone and my iPad. I will only look at Facebook on the computer, and that will only be when I have completed my grading, discussion responses, and other tasks for the day.

 

What about you? Have you ever needed a social media break? How often are you on Facebook?

Social Media 101

Social media of some sort has been around for quite a while now so you would think that people would know how to use it.  But no.  No. Every day, or should I say every hour (I’m a Facebook Crackwhore), when I log on to Facebook, I see things that piss me off, and I’m not an irritable person.  OK. I’m definitely an irritable person, but still. How can we as a species not understand general netiquette in 2016?

Since this bugs the shit out of me, and since I am a Type-A control freak, and since I mixed Sudafed with my coffee today, I have decided to prepare a brief lesson on social media netiquette.  Get yourself a glass of wine, water, bourbon or tea and read these basic rules to remember when you are surfing the Net for selfies and cat videos.

Come on over to Knot So Subtle to read the rest.

eyewall

Social Media Onset Assholism

Look! A picture of my pets.  Shocker.
Look! A picture of my pets. Shocker.

There is a new disease out there, and there’s no vaccination for it. So, we can’t even blame this epidemic on Jenny McCarthy. I developed Social Media Onset Assholism (SMA), and I was forced to put myself on a social media diet, the only known treatment. Here is a short list of symptoms I continue to fight during my one hour of allotted daily social media time:

  • Uncontrollable eye rolling, especially when seeing religious or political posts.
  • Talking to myself, usually when faced with first grade grammar errors.
  • Serial liking – a horrible compulsion to click the like button on EVERY SINGLE THING.
  • Cataholism – posting more pictures of my cats than should be legal.

As you can plainly see, I had to get help. For the love of my family, and those darn cats, I had to get a grip. I know I’m not alone. Could you suffer from acute and severe SMA? Here’s how you can tell.

  • Do you post a constant barrage of politically slanted articles that “prove” asinine things? They only prove that you don’t check your facts.
  • Do you post things like “We won!” when your hometown sports team wins. I don’t remember seeing you suit up and play.
  • Do you post a constant stream of all of the foods that are toxic and inedible? Should we all just hook up to IV’s? Seriously, what SHOULD people eat?
  • Do you constantly complain about your messed up relationships and numerous baby daddies and mamas. Here’s something that might work: stop “falling in love” every 13 seconds.

If you have any of the above symptoms, turn off your computer, phone, tablet, Internet browsing television, and any other way you could possibly access Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, or the other 9,736 social media sites. Have someone bind your hands with electrical tape and give you a large dose of Benedryl so you can sleep through the withdrawals. Only you can help yourself. There is no cure.

Note: My mother coined the term assholism in 1979 or so when she told my brother and me that someone suffered from it. My brother, who is 9 years older than me, said, “I didn’t know he drank.” I replied, “Mom said ASSHOLISM not alcoholism!” I was 8. Just goes to show you that I have always been a smart ass.

 

Ten Tiresome Facebook Friends

Andre and his Hitler mustache
Andre and his Hitler mustache

Note: This post is also on The Huffington Post.

Recently, I announced that I am going to stop filtering myself. Yes, readers, I HAVE been holding back. I know this is frightening. It frightens me, too, but I do need to be more honest in my writing. I’ve already been pretty honest when speaking. I have seen people’s faces twitch when I say something brutally honest. It gives me that warm Christmas feeling. So, in the spirit of communicating like Sophia on the Golden Girls, here are some Facebook friend clichés, along with sample statuses, found in EVERYONE’S friend list.

Concrete Charisma — nothing but eight pack ab gym selfies all the time. They also post “facts” about how carbs are evil and everyone should eat an entire cow every day. He or she always has a recipe for brownies made out of organic cat shit and black beans, or some such nonsense.

“Just ate a quarter of a teaspoon of mashed potatoes. I need to do a complete colon cleanse and double my gym time.”

Sportsy McSports Sports — Every damn day there’s another post about “the game” or “that player who got traded” or “tickets to the game.”

“Somebody smack the ref. WE had the ball on the 29th down. Beer!”   We? I don’t remember you getting off the couch, suiting up, and playing, Mr. Sportsmeister.

Lookin’ for Love in all the Wrong Places — You know this person; you may be related to him or her. You very well may BE this person. There are telltale signs like numerous baby daddies/mamas, a lot of hangovers, and a few court dates. These people are always in love — for real this time.

After years of procreating with psychos, I have finally found the one. He has 13 kids with 19 women, no teeth, and he’s unemployed. Cupid has hit me hard with this magical arrow.”

Because Jesus – We all have that religious friend who is always asking for “prayer warriors,” or posting the “Share if you are not afraid to say you believe in God” memes. I’m not afraid; I just don’t believe. And what the heck do prayer warriors look like anyway? Do they wear suits made out of gold plated Bible pages? Is there glittering war paint involved?

“Praise Jesus for these wonderful tater tots. Truly blessed.”                                                       Yeah, about 40 people are going to unfriend me for that one.

Speak and Spell – This person needs one, and a first grade grammar primer. STAT! For the love of Dick and Jane, have they stopped teaching basic punctuation and spelling here in ‘Murica?

“ru going to county fare if so cn u give rid”   WTF does that even mean?

Crazy Cat Lady—She is just one cat picture short of having whiskers tattooed on her face. You know the woman sits on her couch day and night, stroking cats and talking to herself.

“Andre has a Hitler mustache but he is still mama’s baby.”   [Raises hand and hides face in shame.]

The Baconator – All this person posts about is — wait for it — bacon. That is all. He (it’s always a he) probably eats ice cream out of a bacon bowl, with bacon bits on top.

“Here’s my recipe for salad. Bacon, bacon, and bacon. Lol”

Mr. President – This person blames the President for everything from gas prices to erectile dysfunction. “Mr. President” should just run for president since he has the same know-it-all attitude of your average 16 year-old mall rat.

“I just stubbed my toe and spilled my Mountain Dew on my unemployment check. Thanks, Obama.”

Monsanto Warrior – You swear this person probably never eats because EVERY food is toxic. He or she probably pulls around an IV pole to avoid any GMOs or pesticides, ignoring the possibility of toxins from the plastic IV bag.

“DO NOT eat carrots. Monsanto has created carrots that will make you grow goat ears and squeal like a pig.”

Manic Mom – This mom has her kids in at least 27 STRANGE activities, and that is just on Tuesdays.

“I’m painting my nails and sipping a quad espresso, skinny, vanilla latte while the kids are at their trapeze artistry with watercolors lesson. Today, they’re hanging upside down and re-creating a Monet.”

Well, I’m off to check my friends list. I’m sure at least 9 people have defriended me already. The others haven’t figured out how to defriend on the Facebook phone app. What other types of Facebook friends do you have? I know I missed some. Let me hear from you in the comments section.

Yes, bacon bowls are real.
Yes, bacon bowls are real.