Tag Archives: Steve Madden

Cool WAHM Shoes

It’s Sunday afternoon, the time when most people start preparing for and dreading Monday.  Like a lot of working moms out there, I prepare for Monday by figuring out what I’m going to wear.  If you have ever read this blog, or even if you just read the title to this entry, you know that I’m a WAHM. Incase you are unfamiliar with the term; I’m not trying to say, “I’m warm” in an Italian Boston accent. WAHM stands for Work At Home Mom.  So, I stay home with my children (5 furry, 1 not furry), AND I try to concentrate enough to work full-time for an online university.  This makes me crazy and a wee bit ADHD.

There are times when I would rather work in an actual office with people, and I hate being around people.  I just figure that adult human co-workers probably wouldn’t want me to throw ice cubes in their mouths whenever I got a glass of water.  They most likely wouldn’t poop on the floor or hiss at each other. At least I’m hoping they wouldn’t.  The big draw back to working with people would be the need to wear real clothes, shoes, and a bra.  See, while other working moms are picking up their suits at the dry cleaner or ironing their uniforms, I’m digging in a drawer for my “good” yoga pants and trying to decide if it is cold enough to wear socks with my slippers.  I also have to decide which slippers to wear, as I have a few pairs to get me through the workweek.

My cutest slippers are the gray and white polka dot slippers that my son got me for Christmas.  I love them because they are adorable, they match everything, and they are a gift from my son, who is 16.  You may not know this, but teen boys would rather spend their money on condoms and video games.  So, if they spend ANY money on their parents, it should be celebrated and publically mentioned.  [waves at son]

Kohl's slippers
So cute!

I don’t wear my Santa shoe slippers often even though they are like clouds of red velvet and happiness because they irritate my husband.  They have little bells on them, and my husband tells me that I remind him of an outdoor cat with a bell collar.  This sends me into a tirade about how cats should not be allowed to roam outside and how I really do want to open that Pussy Ranch and save them all.

Santa Slippers
Like walking on holiday happiness

I got my plain black slippers at the orthopedic doctor’s office last year after I had my whole ankle injury and blood clot ordeal.  I paid $60 for them, which makes them my most expensive pair of slippers.  They have a super firm arch support, so I don’t wear them often.

Orthopedic slippers
No fallen arches here!

I just got my Steve Madden slippers last weekend, when I couldn’t find any boots to fit my super fat legs. DSW actually told me that my calf size, 16 inches, is the maximum width for wide boots.  Like most things that happen in my life, I wrote a blog about that.  I’ve always loved Steve Madden shoes because they tend to be wider, which makes my Dublin stubs look almost normal.  His slippers are the same way.  I love them.

Steve Madden Slippers
Steve! STEVE MADDEN!

So, now you’ve seen my work shoe wardrobe.  What kind of shoes do you wear to work?  Any other WAHM’s out there? Tell me about your favorite work attire.

WTF, DSW?

Fat Calves and long boots.
Nope! Not on these Dublin stubs.

Since my husband had a five-dollar birthday coupon for DSW, and since I need some short boots, and he needs sneakers, we decided to go shoe shopping.  As I marched my Dublin stubs (my legs) through the door, I eyeballed the long boots, even though I knew not to get my hopes up.  I have one pair of long boots, but I need my husband to help me zip them, as I have incredibly thick legs for a short, size 8 girl.  I’m talking legs that could protect you during a tornado.  My legs are the size of someone Richard Simmons would cry over. I don’t want to need help to put my boots on.  Coco Chanel’s entire reason for designing simpler clothes was so that women could dress themselves.  And I do love me some Coco.

My husband encouraged me to try on long boots.  He even got a pair labeled “wide calf” off the shelf.  Guess what? They didn’t fit either.  For real.  I’m a size 8.  I’m not skinny, but I am also not a rhino.  Seriously? They don’t make boots to fit me? I wanted to walk up to this woman who was much bigger than me, who had long boots on, and ask her where the heck she got them.

And it’s not a matter of losing weight, gym rat friends. Even when I weighed 105 pounds, I had thick ankles and calves.  I could not wear an ankle bracelet comfortably.  [Waves to mom’s side of the family, holding up middle finger] Thanks for the fat legs, guys!  It shocks me that some people actually get calf implants.  Really? You actually want big legs?

Steve Madden slippers
Steve! Steve MADDEN! Watch the clip!

I tried on some shoes and boots, and found a lot of things I did NOT like. I ended up getting a pair of Steve Madden slippers.  Because as your friendly neighborhood work at home mom and hermit, I need more slippers.  Whenever I see Steve Madden shoes I think of this scene in Wolf of Wall Street: STEVE MADDEN (FF to 1:30).

We spent some time being disappointed in DSW before we moved on to rolling our eyes at Kohl’s, where some Jackwagon left a dog in a car, even though it was TWELVE degrees out.  I reported him/her. After Kohl’s we had to stop at the grocery store.  Joy.  Then, when we finally got home, and started to cook dinner, the sink clogged, and flooded the entire cabinet area under the sink, and my husband sliced his finger open.  Really? First I can’t wear boots and now this?

Did I mention that I skipped lunch?

Here are all of the shoes I HATED:

DSW Spring
1960’s Havana dialed in on their rotary phone;they want their fashion back.

 

Roman Sandles
Caesar called. He wants his shoes back.
Silver boots
If C3PO rode a Harley
Rainbow shoe
Dude, where’s my bong?
Stripper shoe
The strip club called. I have to work tonight.
MOOOOO Shoe
MOOOOO Shoe
Tap dance
Wanna go to my tap dancing recital?
Foot binding
I am into foot binding even though it is not the 11th Century.