Tag Archives: Today Show

Mama and the Man Child: The Rock is Jesus Edition 

Son: [sitting at the table with his egg sandwich]  Mom, I know we are boycotting the Today Show because you hate Kathie Lee, but I need to see Megyn.

Me: You know that you are the only person under 42 who likes her, right?

Son: Yeah, I know.

Me:  OK, well it’s only 8:45 now.  Kathie Lee doesn’t come on until 10, so it should be safe.  [I change the channel to NBC.]

Savannah Guthrie: [On TV – she doesn’t live with us.]  Now, we are going to talk to our own Kathie Lee Gifford about her new book on faith – The Rock, the Road, and the Rabbi.

Me: Oh, fuck my life.  I can’t get away from her.

Son: [laughing]

Kathie Lee:  [On TV – I would NEVER invite her to breakfast.]  Blah, blah, blah. Trip to Israel.  Blah, blah, blah.  My faith.  Blah, blah.  The rock is Jesus.

Me: What did she just say?

Son: She said The Rock is Jesus.

Me: Did you just picture a metal band with Jesus as the singer?

Son:  No. No, mom.  I just pictured Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in a Jesus robe and sandals.

Me: YES!! He would make a great Jesus.

Son: [gets up from the chair and begins mimicking Rock Jesus]  I’m here for you, my child.  [Gets louder]  Now, it’s time for a pec pump!  [grabs his chest and makes his pecs go up and down.]

Me: [laughing and choking on coffee and then attempting a Rock voice]  You can crucify me but you will never take my strong 8-pack abs!

Son: We’re going to hell.

Me: Totally, and all of the fun people will be there.



Corey Feldman’s Gothic Meltdown

Unless you have given up all things screen and only entertain yourself with fine literature and herbal tea, you have probably heard that Corey Feldman is trying to have a music career. If you haven’t seen Corey’s “performance” from Friday’s Today Show, you need to go watch this with the sound up.  Frightening, right?

When I saw it, I stared the screen like I was having a night terror.  I thought I was awake, but surely I was just having a vivid nightmare.  The “concert series” happened during my least favorite part of the show, Billy Bush’s hour.  Billy just has all of the endearing qualities of a sandpaper tampon. I only watch this portion of Today because Tamron is usually on. On Friday, I was not only disappointed by her absence, but scarred by a “musical performance” that should have been courtesy of Lorne Michaels and the SNL gang.  Matt Lauer would not have let this nonsense happen during his hour.

I stared at a hoody- wearing 45-year-old Corey dab” like a teen kid. I turned to my husband and asked if I was hallucinating.  He said no and “1994 called. They’d like their goth industrial lifestyle back.” I spit my coffee.

I Tweeted my husband’s comment because it was hilarious.  I tagged the Today Show and Corey Feldman in my Tweet.  Then, I turned off the TV and tried to forget goth boy and his Party City costumed angles. I thought nothing of it until the next day, when I opened Twitter and saw that Corey had blocked me.  Huh?  I’m not a big influencer, just a little chubby writer with a small following.  I guess Corey blocked me because he doesn’t want the truth. He wants to do lopsided jazz hands in his gothic hoody and pretend he is a rock god. I’m surprised the people in his life have let him do this.

No Corey Tweets for me!

We all get to a point in our careers, hobbies, or delusions when we go overboard.  This is usually when our families, friends, or social services people nudge us back on track.  Where are Corey’s people?  Forfuckssake, where is Simon Cowell? He has told people who CAN sing that they sound like a caterwauling drunk wedding guests.  Certainly, Corey rates a rabies ridden cartoon bat comment.

It’s really sad that Corey is getting praise for this.  Billy Bush and his not Tamron co-host ran right out to pat him on the back and tell him he was awesome as soon as he finished what appeared to be a public relapse.  There are so many real musicians out there who try achieve success for YEARS, all without bastardizing Marilyn Manson and Victoria’s Secret.

I may start watching Fox News if this is the kind of bullshit the Today Show features.

News Anchor Says the Dreaded F-Word

“Bad” words don’t bother me. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a mother who talked like a trucker. No offense to all of the truckers out there reading my blog.  Maybe it’s because I spent ten years doing stand-up comedy, where the F-word is often used as a verb, noun, adjective, and even an adverb by the most grammatically talented.  The only reason I am even using “the F-word” here, rather than just saying the word, is because my boss sometimes reads my blog, and I don’t want to get fired.

 In case you didn’t know, you can get fired for using the “wrong” language at work.   AJ Clemente did. 

Can the moral majority ever forgive him?
Can the moral majority ever forgive him?

He was a new anchor at KFYR in North Dakota. It was his FIRST day on the job, when he whispered “f-wording  s-word” to himself, not realizing that the microphone was live.  Really, in the scope of things, it was a minor event.  No one was injured or killed.

 Here is the story, including a video clip:

News Anchor Says the dreaded F-word

 I guess a lot of people find words offensive.  Really, I find grown people saying things like “the f-word” far more annoying and offensive than the actual word.  Seriously, hearing grown people talk like they are in kindergarten is annoying.  I also find war, human trafficking, famine, child pornography, door-to-door solicitors, and animal abuse to be far more offensive than any word.  

 AJ, I know you just lost your first job in broadcasting, but let’s look on the bright side here.  First of all, you got to be on the Today Show with MATT LAUER.  That is something that is first on my bucket list.  Second, you escaped North Dakota.  With all of the f-word publicity, you should be able to get a job in a state with a real population and climate.  I say you shoot for Hawaii.  Once you find that next job, remember not to f-word it up.